Public Address | Cafe | Cracker: Flashback

merc

Thu, 17 May 2007 10:23:33 +1200

Approved. Make it so.

Rob Stowell

Thu, 17 May 2007 10:16:31 +1200

Welcome pastetaster. Sorry to be a bore, but more news:
In an exclusive interview Iraq war architect Paul Wolfowitz tells us why he's resigning as head of the World Bank to take the role of Milo Minderbinder in MerkProduktionz remake of Catch-22 (working title: Calibre .44)
MP: Was it a…

Rob Stowell

Thu, 17 May 2007 10:02:32 +1200

During negotiations, you may find these useful-

7-step guideline for film budgets.
1. films are works of imagination: find a quiet, peaceful place, where you can set your mind free.
2. Dream of the largest sum of money you can conceive; enough to keep your children's children in caviar and…

Rob Stowell

Thu, 17 May 2007 09:59:14 +1200

test test test

merc

Thu, 17 May 2007 08:16:13 +1200

Hey there Paste, great to have you on board, the initial ride is bumpy but well worth the effort, like changing sex I'd imagine.
I have been deep in negotiations, culminating in a 3 hour slugfest last night, but we are good to go, though there is ill pain in…

hamishm

Thu, 17 May 2007 06:47:26 +1200

Hello Pastetaster, this place is (defeating me in terms of describing it) a voyage of discovery

Pastetaster

Wed, 16 May 2007 23:21:59 +1200

ah, there, made it. hi.
merc. forgive the absence.
deep cover with the guardians of our system. and heavy traffic.
seems that some of the sacred cows of the people have a quivering red dot on their foreheads.
the administrators will sign off anything that keeps them on the teat.…

Riddley Walker

Wed, 16 May 2007 18:09:58 +1200

nice work Eusa. very meditative, perhaps we could use that as a recurring motif throughout?
where is Frauline Kadife? i was looking forward to the potato sack couture, especially being only 12cm tall standing on my hind legs.

hamishm

Wed, 16 May 2007 16:43:01 +1200

First scene in the can
JK edited out.

hamishm

Wed, 16 May 2007 11:45:57 +1200

The delicacy of the moment cannot be overstated. But no pressure, merc, do what you think is best.

Riddley Walker

Wed, 16 May 2007 11:39:59 +1200

interesting. i wonder what JK's MacGuffin is? a muesli bar perhaps, plastic tiki?

don't want to go all Versailles on them

true but don't go all "Peace in our time" on them either.

hamishm

Wed, 16 May 2007 10:40:39 +1200

Be careful though merc, don't want to go all Versailles on them.

Rob Stowell

Wed, 16 May 2007 09:01:33 +1200

Hang tough in the negotiations, M. This could be an expensive one- we may need a MacGuffin- believe there's a shortage and they're very expensive, was hoping we could lease but none in the country.

Riddley Walker

Tue, 15 May 2007 23:42:13 +1200

mmmm, flowing money. and art.
money and art.
i mean art, and money.

merc

Tue, 15 May 2007 18:11:53 +1200

Totally, you have all done well on little funding, really, the money will soon be flowing, I'm up to my neck in extremely sensitive negotiations, more soon.

Rob Stowell

Tue, 15 May 2007 17:04:04 +1200

I have an associate in the freezing works and Milo has eaten. He'll sleep. As long as the lawyers have all the money, we're safe.
MerkProduktionz despite our bad-rep with certain North american industry backers, is attracting friends. Is this good?

hamishm

Tue, 15 May 2007 16:37:48 +1200

Note the name change brought about by senility.

hamishm

Tue, 15 May 2007 16:36:50 +1200

While Dewey, Cheatem and Howe are good Shyster, Shyster and Flywheel has long and proud history

John Farrell

Tue, 15 May 2007 16:33:06 +1200

I prefer Dewey, Cheatham and Howe, myself.

hamishm

Tue, 15 May 2007 16:30:44 +1200

Relax Rob, our lawyers Shyster, Shyster and Flywheel are all over it.
They..sent..their..office..guinea..pig..around..for the..money..shoebox.....
Gotta go!!!!

Rob Stowell

Tue, 15 May 2007 16:22:53 +1200

Hamish! lock the doors, bar the windows, don't open the door to anything that hisses! iT'S ALL FALLING TO CUSTARD! Milo is ravenous, JK has the msm eating from his pocket and M and R- well, I found this in the Diamond Harbour Herald, Mar 13, 2006:

The That's not…

merc

Tue, 15 May 2007 16:16:59 +1200

People, I'm not happy!

Milo Vulture

Tue, 15 May 2007 16:08:40 +1200

What a miserable FERKING country!
Landfills landfills, acres of landfill, weaselly little "transfer stations" but when a guy gets hungry WHERE IS A DUMP!
JKs people get all snooty when one of my people's people tries to democratise a tiny peice of his leg.
Then some tiny snot-car tries to…

hamishm

Tue, 15 May 2007 15:56:59 +1200

Right, I should be watching "Ana- bleeding- Conda" now as well?

merc

Tue, 15 May 2007 15:54:26 +1200

R. he's going soft on us, should I send round The Snake?

Riddley Walker

Tue, 15 May 2007 15:37:21 +1200

oh Eusa, it's all for art amigo. we soldier on.

hamishm

Tue, 15 May 2007 15:31:45 +1200

Right, so I got got The Dwarf Outreach Programme ringing my ass up to ask about the goings on and have I seen a Mr Brongo a Mrs Dreepo and a Mr. Stronginthearm? Well I guess that's going to be a toll call.
Then I got JK's people ringing me…

merc

Tue, 15 May 2007 15:23:47 +1200

Excellent work, you have well justified your favoured status. You didn't damage the beautiful Bambina did you? As for Milo unless he can do a Raven, he's screwed, we move on for our art.
Big Horns good, mmm, the boat is well sub par, sorry, but up that area of…

Riddley Walker

Tue, 15 May 2007 15:07:17 +1200

no problem, have collected the bags myself. no more snyde remarks from those guys ;)

also, i accidentally flattened Milo when i was backing the Bambina off the set. i think he'll be ok though, some of his colleagues were already turning up as i drove off.

i saw the…

merc

Tue, 15 May 2007 14:30:41 +1200

They better be Rodney bags or they won't collect them. Faust is good Don's gone so can't be Don Giovanni. But I saw JK as maybe Siegfried. See the Nats commission the Giants to build their golden house, then reneg on teh contract. Old one eye (to be) gives over…

Rob Stowell

Tue, 15 May 2007 13:13:13 +1200

If we have to work Satisfaction into an opera, it'll have to be Faust. JK could do the title role- but check him on the smarmometer.
Can he sing tenor? There are ways, I believe, of modifying the voice- talk to his people, I'll sharpen the knives.
We need the…

Riddley Walker

Tue, 15 May 2007 13:04:38 +1200

put JK in as the captain and CGI him out later

Eusa, are you privvy to secret National strategy documents?

merc

Tue, 15 May 2007 12:55:34 +1200

Hamish, the black American Captain of the boat that takes Capt. Willard up the river in Apocalypse Now gets a spear through his chest, thrown by Vietnamese natives, he dies basically saying ironically..."heh, a spear".
Keep up man, you're on a fine line, and the sword doth hang above yo…

hamishm

Tue, 15 May 2007 12:47:00 +1200

Or maybe a Bishopsmeller Pursuivant?
All right we can put JK in as the captain and CGI him out later. See this is where the moviebusiness is so unlike real life.

merc

Tue, 15 May 2007 12:38:20 +1200

We need a Witchsmeller Pursuivant

Riddley Walker

Tue, 15 May 2007 12:33:27 +1200

IW: Clearly you suggesting there is a cover-up involving children, muesli, Albert Speer, JK and the cops – name your sauces and let the righteous Lord smote your demonic netherness!

Riddley Walker

Tue, 15 May 2007 12:30:01 +1200

oh alright. but to echo the interwebby origins, how about Das Linken Boot

merc

Tue, 15 May 2007 12:28:55 +1200

Also I mean't toss the Dwarf's in the film, you know, Peter Jackson did in LOTR (Laff on teh rug) and he got 250 million in funding and no-one cried wolf, to mix my metaphor.
Oh and John want some of "his school children" in the movie, said they work…

merc

Tue, 15 May 2007 12:24:25 +1200

Das Boot?

Riddley Walker

Tue, 15 May 2007 12:20:37 +1200

yeah those dwarfs are just grumpy and they say rude things to me about my apprearance. and m is right, smurfs are nothing but trouble (had a bit of a run in with them few years back), steer well clear people.
can i suggest we rename PT109 to something more…

merc

Tue, 15 May 2007 12:07:53 +1200

The Cherman's are in as long as we replace the Gestetner with Götterdämmerung. I have waterskiid up a river close by, we're going to use JFK's PT boat for this one. I'm contacting Keef, a personal friend, re Satisfaction.
There's no way anyone is going to work with the reprobate…

hamishm

Tue, 15 May 2007 11:55:57 +1200

Hmm, a boat over a mountain, drug crazed dwarfs, this is sounding good.
Sorry you went to the wrong place R, the shooting schedule is kind of haphazard since it seems to have been written in a cave, translated from German into English and then severely pecked.
Are the Germans…

Riddley Walker

Tue, 15 May 2007 11:55:17 +1200

excellent. i hear Herr Pastetaster is a talent.
JK was humming a lot of Wagner out at Waimauku B – we may need a Fastboat for the waterskiing.

merc

Tue, 15 May 2007 11:48:18 +1200

Hell yeah, the boat is in! Send a crew, John said he will pay as long as we establish an Opera continually playing Twighlight Of The Gods, with the Grateful Dead. And at this juncture I'm going to have to introduce a silent partner who knows about these things, Marvin…

Riddley Walker

Tue, 15 May 2007 11:26:48 +1200

most revealing m, will incorporate in my report to stakeholders.

Eusa, well someone could have told me we weren't filing at Waimauku B today. it was creepy. i did see a couple of gnomes but i couldn't get any sense out of them, they kept talking to the trees and…

merc

Tue, 15 May 2007 08:13:46 +1200

I talked with John on set B.
M: The Cherman's have pulled out.
JK; Yeah I know, I can't help you there, Cherman's you know...
M; Of course, I understand, what brings you to this neck of the woods?
JK: Oh I have a house here and people, I have…

hamishm

Tue, 15 May 2007 07:34:55 +1200

Well day one did not go so well.1)How were we to know that John Key would want to walk around the site and 2) who gave the dwarves mescaline? Many of them are unaccounted for still.
Milos people are just a nuisance, strutting around and defecating in odd places. However…

Milo Vulture

Mon, 14 May 2007 22:34:35 +1200

They were scared off, the little woosie pants, by some of my people's people circling.
People are so weak. You can't make a film without pain. And carrion.
I like that. We'll call the next film CARRION.
As in carrion up the river of yr own wazzooo.
Craak.

Riddley Walker

Mon, 14 May 2007 21:55:05 +1200

ffs guys! i've been out at the site all day and all i could find was some guy in an armani suit insisting he wasn't rich, singing some Split Endz song and handing out muesli bars to the two people in the neighbourhood wearing trackpants.
and my ears are ringing…

hamishm

Mon, 14 May 2007 09:33:11 +1200

Rob you have my sympathy, a deafening stench!!
Thanks for the comments on the Fish and Chip scenario. I felt that if it was a "Vigil" sort of gloomy landscape with "Goodbye Pork Pie" action sequences it could be a winner.
A sub-plot could be the small community of Spanish…

Rob Stowell

Mon, 14 May 2007 09:03:41 +1200

Oh dear. The gnomes are not well. After their previous dreadful effort, I changed their mushrooms. I'm sure I've seen pictures of gnomes picturesquely scampering around fly agaric, but omigod, the vomiting, and the stench is deafening.

Rob Stowell

Mon, 14 May 2007 08:59:43 +1200

Agreed, the fish'n'chips also gives us a fine local angle. We can work paua into it and small fishing community, threatened by the incipient madness of the guru who holds the secret of their award-winning batter. I'll get the gnomes to work in some sex and violence, also references to…

John Farrell

Mon, 14 May 2007 06:37:38 +1200

The addition of hints of communications surveillance and GE to the script, the the change of working title to "The Stuffed Potato" should ensure the cooperation of Nicky Hager in the marketing effort.

John Farrell

Mon, 14 May 2007 06:33:20 +1200

Now that the country's premier intellectual magazine has opened new fields in the promotion of films featuring animals, we must ask – how do pigeons and hamsters top pigs and chickens? Obviously, potatoes will not be enough. Carrots, or perhaps parsnips must be added. The hamsters should only be told…

Riddley Walker

Sun, 13 May 2007 23:01:44 +1200

nice E, the fish and chip angle works.
perhaps the potatoe carvers carve potatoes because of the Man's strangle hold on the G machines, thus they are doomed to produce their own media only by way of potatoe prints; battling against the comparatively high speed output G machines of their…

hamishm

Sun, 13 May 2007 22:13:25 +1200

Um, Crikey! Greaaat work Rob!!!
Look, I'm having trouble with the school scenario. I don't see why it cannot be a group of rebel fisherman looking for ways to break the European potato stranglehold in the local Fish and Chips outlets. Ceaselessly they churn out agit-prop on the mighty Gestetner…

Riddley Walker

Sun, 13 May 2007 22:00:57 +1200

for God's sake Rob, DO NOT let those gnomes out of your sight till i get there!
the site looks very very good. i feel excited in my waters. i like the deutschetechno und die EuroCash ref – never hurts to be really klar mit dem volk. after what i…

Rob Stowell

Sun, 13 May 2007 21:31:37 +1200

Riddley those pigeons are very beautiful. Please the fates Milo will never see them. Some of the lazier gnomes have started work on the MerkProduktionz website: very crude, I think. Can you or Merc get the web-team onto it?

Rob Stowell

Sun, 13 May 2007 21:26:23 +1200

It's hard to get good gnomes these days, but there are a lot of them and they have been very busy (too busy). Here is:
Synopsis draft one.
The Head of the Martin Luther Agrarian College in Ruawai is a misshaped Ilam Hardy, bulging eyes under a pork-pie hat, little…

merc

Sun, 13 May 2007 18:29:28 +1200

I must confess, they tried to Christen me at Ruawai, I remember a thermos, screaming and a gaping hole where an eye should have been. Anyway, we need to dig deeper re the Pommes de terre and teh kumara, being as we will be shooting next to the Kaipara Harbour…

Riddley Walker

Sun, 13 May 2007 17:32:34 +1200

great news about the first payment m. and early Maori potatoes are excellent, the best ever.
i for one am sick to death of people not living by their unstated words so i am glad to see you're holding someone accountable. if only more would. our man with The Copier…

merc

Sun, 13 May 2007 17:04:28 +1200

5700 views and counting, Demon Dory Christ 666 can't have it every which way, he agreed in principal, subconsciously willed me to get more views than that 11000 view thread we did, we must hold him to his unstated word. Beides I have one more trick up my mercurial sleeve.…

Riddley Walker

Sun, 13 May 2007 16:18:11 +1200

lest we forget Eusa, lest we forget.

hamishm

Sun, 13 May 2007 16:00:04 +1200

Those times with Milo in the jungle will never leave me, but I will not talk of them again. So many good pigeons will not be eating the nice seeds from their feeders tonight...
It is for them, that we make this masterpiece now.

Riddley Walker

Sun, 13 May 2007 15:54:15 +1200

send it along as soon as you've savaged the mushrooms.
do the gnomes have a union?

Rob Stowell

Sun, 13 May 2007 15:39:36 +1200

If you're drawing up contracts, the gnomes are being paid in mushrooms. Having seen the first draft, I don't think I've been giving them the right sort of mushrooms. It will need some savage editing.

Rob Stowell

Sun, 13 May 2007 15:36:45 +1200

Please, never speak of M or BK again. It's best. There has been a thread view spike, but I fear it's the vultures circling. what was the original thread about?

Riddley Walker

Sun, 13 May 2007 15:22:27 +1200

send me the papers and i'll get it sorted, with m's approval of course (i think he's still in the cave with the Chermans).

pls don't mention this to Milo, i don't know if i can look him in the eye after what happened in BK.

Rob Stowell

Sun, 13 May 2007 15:05:13 +1200

How could D do thiat to this thread? Didn't merc pay the sub-lease? Blimmin' hallowed-out frinkelsteins, we cannot be uncovered now the plot is so far advanced. I have sub-contracted a basement of gnomes to work on the first draft of the synopsis. Milo has eaten and will sleep for…

Riddley Walker

Sun, 13 May 2007 13:28:46 +1200

i like the title.

i hear the Damian was mentioned in mediawatch on this fine morning in reference to the initial plot-line of this thread. should we start pretending to be grown-up for a while? newbies who google to here may be a little confused by…

hamishm

Sun, 13 May 2007 11:08:49 +1200

The subconscious sadness of the potato carvers

I think we have a working title here.

Kadife Blue

Sun, 13 May 2007 10:49:50 +1200

I can come dressed in a potato sack if need be

hamishm

Sun, 13 May 2007 09:51:57 +1200

Coupled with the drive and entrepreneurship of the copying machine salespeople.
Sort of a Waimaukua Kumara Feild War Thing??
Where does the glamorous K.Blue fit in?

John Farrell

Sun, 13 May 2007 08:43:45 +1200

Yes....I can see the outline. The subconscious sadness of the potato carvers, as they sense the coming of automation.

John Farrell

Sun, 13 May 2007 08:41:06 +1200

Set in 1840? A subplot could be the looming shadow of the impending age of duplicators.

hamishm

Sun, 13 May 2007 08:27:15 +1200

Helensville eh? I'm seeing Dayle Jones as Von Krankenhausen! Whaddyasay!
Rob, we'll talk merc out of potato film stock thing, he's being artistic is all.

Rob Stowell

Sun, 13 May 2007 00:24:37 +1200

You're carving the new film on potatoes!?
A stroke of genius, and it can be easily mashed it up later. If the grants don't come flowing, we can always make soup.
But there are technical thingies that might cause excessive vibration when the tohunga whakairo start carving 24 potatoes a…

merc

Sat, 12 May 2007 23:47:45 +1200

That is of course classified, however in due course you will all be required on set. It will be a meths free set, though those of you who need it, being newly back from BF, quinnine will be made available.
Helensville has been chosen due to it's proximity to Ruawai,…

Rob Stowell

Sat, 12 May 2007 22:52:20 +1200

Sigmund Gestetner of the Gestetner Cyclograph Company recently moved with his young family to Helensville to act as an advisor to mercProductions. Something is up!

James Green

Sat, 12 May 2007 22:25:35 +1200

If it smells like meths, then it's not a Gestetner, but a later iteration, the spirit duplicator, also referred to as a 'Banda' or 'ditto'. Lovely purple printing (usually), and (according to wikipedia), the smell of isopropyl alcohol and methanol. Mmmmmm

Rob Stowell

Sat, 12 May 2007 22:19:58 +1200

John will know about the meths. He is a sort of gestetner-google (but currently off-line?)

Rob Stowell

Sat, 12 May 2007 22:18:13 +1200

I think Meths is in lots of printing stuff. We used to clean windows with newpapers- it works really well, if they're not too old. You dip a bunch in water and wipe the window with the; then dry it with dry ones. Someone who seemed to know said it…

hamishm

Sat, 12 May 2007 21:53:27 +1200

And the meths fitted into the scenario, where? Cleaning or thinners or light refreshments?

Rob Stowell

Sat, 12 May 2007 21:48:11 +1200

From the meths, dear hamish.
Which, now that I think about it, was kept in the headmaster's office.

hamishm

Sat, 12 May 2007 21:33:51 +1200

Where did the meths smell come from?

Rob Stowell

Sat, 12 May 2007 20:48:16 +1200

We didn't have dedicated radicals for the work. We were producing the Diamond Harbour Herald- a bit like the Auckland Herald, but more intellectual as it was produced by the Diamond Harbour School.

John Farrell

Sat, 12 May 2007 20:30:22 +1200

The Gestetner has a fabric blind, which is an endless loop. The stencil is a plastic sheet, cut by the typewriter to give the text pattern. The stencil is fitted over the blind, the blind is inked, and a turn of the handle forces the paper (usually the coarsest newsprint,…

Rob Stowell

Sat, 12 May 2007 20:27:48 +1200

You could also draw onto the sheets. It was messy. And re: drudgery- that's why the form two kids were "employed" by the headmaster to do the turning. We could make it sing.

John Farrell

Sat, 12 May 2007 20:25:19 +1200

Some sort of el cheapo portable. For even stencils, you were supposed to use an IMB electric. Could you see political radicals doing that, even if they could afford one?

Rob Stowell

Sat, 12 May 2007 20:25:13 +1200

I think you typed directly onto these sheets, two membranes with squidgy black ink in between. The typwriter pierced the top membrane, allowing the ink to taste freedom

merc

Sat, 12 May 2007 20:22:33 +1200

On a typewriter?

John Farrell

Sat, 12 May 2007 20:19:59 +1200

As you can see, my expertise is on the hardware side. The copy was typed by others.

John Farrell

Sat, 12 May 2007 20:18:36 +1200

Sheer drudgery. It was hand cranked, one turn for each copy.

merc

Sat, 12 May 2007 20:13:46 +1200

Could you describe what it was like to use it?

John Farrell

Sat, 12 May 2007 19:37:56 +1200

That was after discovering how heavy the damned thing was to carry home......

John Farrell

Sat, 12 May 2007 19:28:29 +1200

The first thing I learned about gestetners was that the ink was bloody difficult to get off your fingers.

merc

Sat, 12 May 2007 19:24:54 +1200

Of course, please proceed. We had not successfully moved the action from the hut house, nor had we moved forward with the G. Though as The Existentialist Cyclist was genius. I note we have about 5000 views though.
So John, where do you want to go from here?

John Farrell

Sat, 12 May 2007 19:05:47 +1200

Put those mushrooms down and listen to me!

Do you want to use my encyclopaedic knowledge of Gestetners or not?

merc

Sat, 12 May 2007 18:54:42 +1200

I saw this in the cave too.

merc

Sat, 12 May 2007 18:39:02 +1200

While fossicking about deep in The Lair of the White Worm, I noted a wall, light flickered there off the crysatalline dew drops of water refracted in the shaft of light coming from somehwere high above my head. A dessicated corpse lay there barely recognisable, then aghast I caught a…

Riddley Walker

Sat, 12 May 2007 18:29:55 +1200

crikey m.
there's not much to be said after that

merc

Sat, 12 May 2007 18:21:15 +1200

Hah, my brave few, I have been way out west, there are things that only an ancient daemon can do, and I have done them, for now. I have moved the speaking stones and arranged the meridian. I met with Black Robe and the villain. The murdering Priest still stands…

hamishm

Sat, 12 May 2007 18:20:30 +1200

Could be useful as a diversion.
Get some crack troops in there sharpish.
Then out again all guns blazing.
Tally ho,what!

Riddley Walker

Sat, 12 May 2007 18:16:17 +1200

OMG. the pigeons will be no use then.

hamishm

Sat, 12 May 2007 18:09:52 +1200

Ahh, my dear Ridderly, what could we do? There were, in the end, to many of them and we were too few. But sooch a gallant band, so brave, so true *sniff*.
I am afraid that merc may have been captured by hamsters for justice.

Riddley Walker

Sat, 12 May 2007 18:09:45 +1200

St James THEATRE!

Riddley Walker

Sat, 12 May 2007 17:50:54 +1200

now where were we. anyone seen merc?

hamishm

Sat, 12 May 2007 10:51:01 +1200

Not to sure where I am, Milo was after me for a while but JG 348 (pigeon) lured him off. Caught Aeroflot to Kinshasa but we didn't make it. Look after my people.
Do we have the Mid West residuals sewen up yet? There's a Priest I know in Kansas…

Riddley Walker

Sat, 12 May 2007 10:37:33 +1200

crikey, i have just got back from BF. the flight was appalling and the snooty airline people treated me like i was some kind of vermin.

thanks for vouching for me m, was a bit touch and go there for a while. rescued by a staffel of GSG9 pigeons though…

merc

Fri, 11 May 2007 19:00:17 +1200

Kadife, I'm sure you're a genuine talent and we appreciate your input, but we're going to be filming in Helensville, the funding thanks to a group of fine Cherman's is sealed, so whereas before we were looking for scripting or talent input, we're good now, thanks.
As far as the…

Kadife Blue

Fri, 11 May 2007 17:57:43 +1200

BOYS! For goodness sake I leave you alone for a minute and this is the madness you descend into?

Back to the script or this whole deal goes down the gurgler...and you know whose arse will be on the line? That smooth, pink guinea pig arse. So Merc, if you…

merc

Fri, 11 May 2007 16:21:27 +1200

Cool Milo cool, it's done, we have, thanks to your little vignette – German backing everybody, the Whale Rider people have contacted me and say that we will start actual filming in Helensville (the new Weliwood, darlings), so sorry you chaps over there, ahem, feed amongst yourselves as they say…

hamishm

Fri, 11 May 2007 16:20:49 +1200

Ouahigouya check

Oh shivers are we going to be in trouble when the grown-ups come home!

Mercproductions!?!?! I don' remember votin' for this.
I thought that we worked for Rodential pictures?

Milo Vulture

Fri, 11 May 2007 16:16:41 +1200

A weasel is good. crunchy. But the boys they doan eat that donkey, ane, eeuuuch.
Also, merc cher ami, old flannellette, monsiuer le produceur, please send assorted belgian starlets and a quart of unsaturated phat to Ouahigouya check where it is, read right to the bottom, toute suite.
che doan…

Milo Vulture

Fri, 11 May 2007 16:14:48 +1200

A weasel is good. crunchy. But the boys they doan eat that donkey, ane, eeuuuch.
Also, merc cher ami, old flannellette, monsiuer le produceur, please send assorted belgian starlets and a quart of unsaturated phat to[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ouahigouya|Ouahigouya] toute suite. che doan need no xtra BlogBoostering. WE doan need no blog boostering.…

hamishm

Fri, 11 May 2007 16:04:05 +1200

Jimmy "The WeaseL' is currently unemployed, so I hear.

merc

Fri, 11 May 2007 15:58:04 +1200

Jebus, think we may need to send Capt. Willard, this guy's gone all Kurtz on us.

Milo Vulture

Fri, 11 May 2007 15:56:26 +1200

You can talk to da rodent. but teh internets (tm) are slow, we uses pigeons most days. believa me, no pigeon come outa hear without me knowin which way his feathers ruffle.
that "rob', he no disappear. some part still left. you want me send? need a lot of chillis,…

merc

Fri, 11 May 2007 15:51:00 +1200

Hamishm, need I remind you that Milo is the only one to actually do any work, apart from me, OK. Nobody is eating nobody. Look, seems like you have an in with Che (short of that little stunt, Mr Wolf ain't cheap). so you think you can pull finger and…

hamishm

Fri, 11 May 2007 15:46:45 +1200

Milo, your input is, of course to be welcomed but you must unnerstand that we are all professionals here and we do not react well to threats of eating our livers.
Riddley, in particular, does not care for remarks being passed upon his edibility and has been known to express…

Riddley Walker

Fri, 11 May 2007 15:43:35 +1200

eeeek heeeeeellp!!!!!

merc

Fri, 11 May 2007 15:36:59 +1200

Milo...you didn't...disappear...Rob...did you? Please put R. on the phone.

Milo Vulture

Fri, 11 May 2007 15:28:40 +1200

this "rob"- you no wanna say his name no more. He gone. "rob" who? i doan remember no "rob".
Eeees milo who callin da shots. i kinda own Ouahigouya.
an dat "riddley""- you tell hees mama he bedda be a furry furry good boy from now on.

merc

Fri, 11 May 2007 15:22:17 +1200

Rob, hold it together, you're all I got, really man, I love you like a brother. Milo is Gestetno, hang in there, I'm calling Mr. Wolf.

merc

Fri, 11 May 2007 15:20:00 +1200

Hamishm, naturally you are concerned, jetlagged, dilerious even, however, you're not making any sense man, none at all. That stunt you pulled with Che, that's going to cost us dude, cost you, bigtime. Do I have to send Mr. Wolf over there or what?
Whining, whining, always whining, R. is…

Rob Stowell

Fri, 11 May 2007 15:19:36 +1200

Heeelppp!
very dark in here. extras have broken into the gaffer truck. think i just sat on a rat.
hope that wasn't r....
when i agreed to obfuscate, merc, you didn't tell me we were dealing with that psychopathic hook-beak milo. don't like his eyes.
suspect links to the gestetno!…

Riddley Walker

Fri, 11 May 2007 15:14:34 +1200

roger wilko m.

hamishm

Fri, 11 May 2007 15:11:24 +1200

Milo, pardonnez moi, we 'ave the busyness talk, capiche?

m, Riddley, now I am a guy who unnerstans art, you know Rembrandt and that, but we got backers who Riddely signed with even if he don't remember. Now these are citizens, some connected with waste management, who are very serious…

merc

Fri, 11 May 2007 15:08:08 +1200

Stay the hell away from my Milo R. or we may have to remind Mama about that bunny incident. However, good to,see you're on set and awake, Hamishm is going to be there soon, make sure he doesn't make an ass of himself.
Span wants to know what we can…

Che Tibby

Fri, 11 May 2007 15:05:14 +1200

guys... why has a box of pigeons turned up to my workplace?

there's a script saying, "take one daily with water".

[signed: confused public servant]

Riddley Walker

Fri, 11 May 2007 15:02:13 +1200

Well! Having dined on Eusa's gourmet assortment of lettuce and imported straws, i passed out and now appear to be in bloody Burkina Fasao. numerous thin looking locals eyeing up my weel-shaped thighs. not at all comfortable. suspiciously few rodents about the place.
also need monet but not sure there's…

Milo Vulture

Fri, 11 May 2007 14:56:13 +1200

More rodents are due on set, any minu-
now hammeeesh, cher ami, you are on your way, ne c'est pas? We have un auto en attendant at the mudstrip, just to take you to your trailer.
Pardonnez-moi for the lack of rodents a ce moment. We had rodents and I…

merc

Fri, 11 May 2007 14:54:46 +1200

Ar Hamishm, that movie title you talk of didn't even make it past planning, you're darn lucky you even got in the first cut you ass, and are you threatening us? Really, you think we're funny? Funny how?
The rodents? There are no rodents because their absence is their presence…

hamishm

Fri, 11 May 2007 14:49:43 +1200

Hey!!! You guys got no respect or somethin' I am not for eating or nuthin" and I take no little exception to the suggestion. Besides I'd be very bad for you, honestly, worse than Palm Oil.
The films lookin' pretty good, by the way though I see no rodents of…

merc

Fri, 11 May 2007 14:35:20 +1200

Milo, it's not often my jaw drops to the floor but I think you have just totally vindicated Blog Boosters existence. Indeed if there is a God, we would get a grant for that right now.
Che said he's sent a cheque in the mail to Blog Boost (TM verb))…

Milo Vulture

Fri, 11 May 2007 14:22:50 +1200

hamishm will do but pronto.
here is your pesky "footage" in mouthage.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ME0_xTRYsTI

But we want more rodents.

merc

Fri, 11 May 2007 14:10:40 +1200

I have a nice little oink shaved one, but he's family and Mum would kill me twice if I let you at him. How about Hamishm, he's a fresh one.

Milo Vulture

Fri, 11 May 2007 13:47:18 +1200

Hungry merc. always hungry.
this "rob" he made us certain promises. we are birds of our word. now we're dealing with the real cahuna, that's nice.
we show you a leeetle beet of yr "film" if send just a couple more pigeons. or do you have guineapigs?

merc

Fri, 11 May 2007 13:24:18 +1200

Milo! How are ya mate, been a long time, still with the pigeons I see.

Milo Vulture

Fri, 11 May 2007 13:13:40 +1200

Rob is not able to reply. But please send more pigeons.

hamishm

Fri, 11 May 2007 11:39:25 +1200

I just got an invoice for 600 freakin' camels! From someone called Major-General His Excellency Amil bin Basha. What are you getting us into Rob!!!

merc

Fri, 11 May 2007 11:30:45 +1200

Monet's dead! Threaten them with fish oil napalm. Hey, what extra's you can't hire anybody, your only on spec.

Rob Stowell

Fri, 11 May 2007 11:28:43 +1200

No monet? the extras sont fache. I will try to calm them with fish oil. But i don't think they'll work without monet.

Rob Stowell

Fri, 11 May 2007 11:26:52 +1200

hard to english speaking extras here. can you crank up the co-production wagon? start talks with gaumont, but don't let them sell you any cheese.

merc

Fri, 11 May 2007 11:23:11 +1200

No Monet, read Rimbaud. Whinger.

Rob Stowell

Fri, 11 May 2007 11:18:59 +1200

first scenes in the can. but we need water. water. and a leeeetle beet of monet. it's a bleedin desert out here.

merc

Fri, 11 May 2007 11:08:40 +1200

I stopped reading at "Missy", sorry start again, don't you know who will be funding this?
I can't be cast, I don't show up in photos, duh. Oh and don't mention the "N" word, remember our secondary thread view goal. Nice Kenny G segway but he is already working for…

hamishm

Fri, 11 May 2007 11:02:45 +1200

Just running a storyline up the flag pole to see who salutes:
Beautiful heiress "Missy" Kadife Blue is searching for the Scared Gestetner, source of The Thread That Won't Die. Unfortunately so are Doctor Von Krankenhausen(merc) and his horde of evil surf nazi hampsters and guinea pigs (Rob and Riddley).…

merc

Fri, 11 May 2007 10:20:11 +1200

Have you ever seen The Dualists?

merc

Fri, 11 May 2007 10:18:02 +1200

Sorry Kadif, guy's is in this context an informal noun referring to both sexes. BTW, you have great talent, I love your work, please send your scripts to me personally, R. won't be able to recognize your genius.
R. that's EVIL HAMPSTERS buddy and ginga one's and gnawry (made up…

Riddley Walker

Fri, 11 May 2007 10:17:44 +1200

m, that's my real name sake. the book wasn't written then, so i guess that other RW is named after me.

Riddley Walker

Fri, 11 May 2007 10:16:40 +1200

Von Krankenhausen turned to Kadife and enquired menacingly
vK: and what is your name Missy. And what is that pink thing?

merc

Fri, 11 May 2007 10:13:05 +1200

This is what I got when I Wikipedia'd (verb!) ego inflation because you know you guy's have got it coming to you, (my analyst Dr Carl said so).

Riddley Walker

Fri, 11 May 2007 10:12:49 +1200

fired all my people and hired hamsters

oh for god's sake. I AM NOT WORKING WITH HAMPSTERS.

Kadife Blue

Fri, 11 May 2007 10:12:47 +1200

Enter Kadife: dressed in a midnight blue silk dress, backless and with a plunging neckline. Her dark hair billowing around her face with the flicks of teenage boy Farrah Fawcett fantasies. Her black stiletto heels still had traces of mud from the old country.

She stepped over a curious arrangement…

Riddley Walker

Fri, 11 May 2007 10:11:46 +1200

you're in luck, there's a surplus of short camels at the moment.

The air was redolent with the smell of Purple Spirit as the stuffed aligator made its pitiful attempt to conceal the G.
Von Krankenhausen, one of the Gesteno's most notoriously sadistic enforcers, allowed himself a chilling sneer.

vK:…

Rob Stowell

Fri, 11 May 2007 10:11:18 +1200

we have started shooting, oh mighty merc. but you said this would be a big-budget- no-expenses-paid-surfing-the-world epic. i have fired all my people and hired hamsters.

Riddley Walker

Fri, 11 May 2007 10:03:04 +1200

your wish is my command Overlord. i have no desire to sniff the chill winds of Peru.
this pox ridden hairless guinea pig is not worthy of your brotherhood – but i'm not complaining, it's not like worthiness has stopped me in the past.

Eusa, that figurine, btw, is actually…

merc

Fri, 11 May 2007 10:03:02 +1200

See, see! See what you've created now you goobah's.

Rob Stowell

Fri, 11 May 2007 09:57:22 +1200

the split is up in the air, but i need the cfa, i have hired the extras and they are very hungry. 22.3 million cfa by courier pigeon to the Banc Central a Niger- you can float it down the river from Timbuktu if camels are short.

hamishm

Fri, 11 May 2007 09:40:51 +1200

(i think he's skimming the merchandice).

Do you think? That's why he won't let me tape stuff. I have some equipment in that figurine he's always talking to, I'll see how that goes
Rob, baby, have you and The Bish decided on the final split yet?? Riddley and I have…

merc

Fri, 11 May 2007 09:38:44 +1200

OK, everybody just calm down take your bennies and legal bourbon. The solution to this little impasse, unless anyone likes the term "being disappeared" is to come up with some more script, got it.
Kadife, I like you, you're hired, you can write some mysterioso female stuff, blue is OK,…

Riddley Walker

Fri, 11 May 2007 09:38:32 +1200

i think the reference was to Cold Water Surf. cleanliness is next to godliness my son.

i once witnessed a guy getting whacked in Milan, just outside the train station. keep your beady eyes peeled Eusa, and watch out for those Milanese finger puppets, the stitching unravels as soon as…

Riddley Walker

Fri, 11 May 2007 09:35:35 +1200

i knew the figurines would be trouble. will send you some spare inspiration via pigeon courier – keep an eye out for one with mollymawk eyes (i think he's skimming the merchandice).

Rob oh evil servant of The Bishop – no of course you're not fired. we can't let talent…

hamishm

Fri, 11 May 2007 09:33:30 +1200

you said we'd have surf?

Yeah right, they said
My people will be contacting your people soon or we can meet in Milan.

Rob Stowell

Fri, 11 May 2007 09:21:36 +1200

merc- my people tell me your people said i was fired?
Carrumba! things have moved fast and I'm already on location in Burkina.
where is the surf? you said we'd have surf?

hamishm

Fri, 11 May 2007 09:18:30 +1200

Yeah, well ,you know, if you have some spare... m is pushing me for merchandising tie-ins and I'm a little short of inspiration here. Keeps going on about talking figurines and stuff.

Riddley Walker

Fri, 11 May 2007 09:14:55 +1200

they are majic pills Eusa, and you're just jealous of the things they help me see.

Riddley Walker

Fri, 11 May 2007 09:12:06 +1200

i fear also that this "Rob" may have been touched by the Bishop's Staff for his ability to cloud the eyes of loyal servants such as myself.

hamishm

Fri, 11 May 2007 09:11:22 +1200

i know of a very fetching finger puppet you may be interested in

Pooty is dead to me now! She means nothing *sobs*

it was Eusa that started it. don't listen m

It is very sad when the once greats of this crazy business we call show, start to slide…

Riddley Walker

Fri, 11 May 2007 09:07:46 +1200

Merc, I am glad that your powers of perception are not completely infallible

so vile a cosmic travesty has never before befouled mine eyes. i long to rip them from their sockets. do not reign your terrible wrath upon one so unworthy of your attentions oh Overlord.

Riddley Walker

Fri, 11 May 2007 09:02:56 +1200

it was Eusa that started it. don't listen m.
and i think Kadife is into figurine trafficking.

Riddley Walker

Fri, 11 May 2007 09:01:07 +1200

eeek, that is a scarey bunny.
it wasn't me m, the others made me do it. they said we could 'work around you'. i tried to tell them you'd be unhappy but they obviously just got blinded by the $$$.

i think the blond flemmish bunny has a lot of…

Kadife Blue

Fri, 11 May 2007 09:00:56 +1200

Well my dearest Merc, I am glad that your powers of perception are not completely infallible. I am actually the dark mysterious female of this storyline

hamishm

Fri, 11 May 2007 09:00:22 +1200

merc, my real friend, the coffee is on. I can tape the conversation?

merc

Fri, 11 May 2007 08:54:59 +1200

Oh and Hamish, mi amici, we need to talk, I'm coming over.

merc

Fri, 11 May 2007 08:53:54 +1200

Not nearly enough, especially for you Mr Kadife Blue who knows about The Figurines.
As for you R. I'm still thinking about what to do with you and your ahem, loyalties.
Rob; you're fired.

Kadife Blue

Fri, 11 May 2007 08:51:18 +1200

Not Frank! Hasn't that rabbit done enough damage for one teenage angst/smart angst movie?

merc

Fri, 11 May 2007 08:24:58 +1200

Blast, you'll have to go here.

merc

Fri, 11 May 2007 08:19:22 +1200

Well, well, well, what do we have here...THIS IS MY BUNNY and you have now pissed off a really bad ass daemon.

Rob Stowell

Thu, 10 May 2007 21:50:57 +1200

H, I was assuming you were the laywer.
So the rabbit ears get the chop. Do we need "actors" at all? Figurines sound good don't mind waiting around and will work for little more than shelf space. Kadife can draw that one up.
K- this is an attempt at the…

hamishm

Thu, 10 May 2007 21:35:41 +1200

Look, since this was originally my project I just wanted to say, ixnay on the rabbitay. They are hell to work with, and then they steal every scene they are in. Their ears are probably silicone implants.

Psssst Rob, get a good lawyer when you work with these two.

Kadife…

Kadife Blue

Thu, 10 May 2007 21:27:38 +1200

wow this is really really disturbing...I hope you all have small figurines for the days when broadband is down :P

Rob Stowell

Thu, 10 May 2007 21:12:57 +1200

Ok the bunny can be in too we need a love intrest-but can we swing it with m- he is averse to big ears?
And flattery and pampering is mostly- and I don't like to use dirty words among gentlemen- but it's mostly for the- film critics.
oooh. I feel…

Riddley Walker

Thu, 10 May 2007 21:04:27 +1200

ja ja, mit shaden freuden lichtenstienen. merc ist schoen mit de schoenberg und lieden mit de hosen. oom pa oom pa.
aber nicht mit de boomen boomen merc!

Riddley Walker

Thu, 10 May 2007 21:01:14 +1200

ach du lieber merc, raus!
rob, hang on a minute. don't touch those mushromms. that's not chocolate either. i've just been on the phone to the accountants and they want lots of RTDs and iPods in as many shots as poss for product placement because that's what all the kids…

Rob Stowell

Thu, 10 May 2007 20:55:46 +1200

(Aside) Riddley? Is merc- truely- happily- sans shaden freuden lichtenstienen on da bike with this?
Merc! You can put down the explosives. My people can suck up to your people, they're doing it already!
(aside) riddley! old chappy!Hover yr good finger over the "th*atr*" button!

Rob Stowell

Thu, 10 May 2007 20:49:48 +1200

R: i'm really deeply deeply touched by yr caring offer to handle the boring stuff. If not so in thrall to your genius I'd let you attend to that tediousity.
Writing is not the role of the Obfuscator. Wiise Industry Heads like yrself and merc and hamishm will know t…

Riddley Walker

Thu, 10 May 2007 20:40:22 +1200

being from a haemophiliac, the congealing is taking a while...

Riddley Walker

Thu, 10 May 2007 20:39:22 +1200

hmm, i read it as "Are we not all cyclists?"
tis of no matter.
don't mention the money contracty stuff to m, he hates that kind of thing.

Riddley Walker

Thu, 10 May 2007 20:37:40 +1200

consider them bled, signed, and congealed.

Rob Stowell

Thu, 10 May 2007 20:37:28 +1200

erratta: line xx3 above should read P1 "Are we all not cyclists? blah blah..." He is not confused but in the grip of monologia.

Riddley Walker

Thu, 10 May 2007 20:36:23 +1200

excellleeent. dear, dear robert.
now don't open the door if it's m, just pretend you're like asleep or on the toilet or something. your offer to handle the money is very kind, but i fear they might take advantage of your self-abnegating self, so i'll look after all that boring…

Rob Stowell

Thu, 10 May 2007 20:33:36 +1200

Riddley I will draw up papers with you both, but sort it out. I think the correct grammar is A twerp, but antwerp will do for the americans. And the papers- they must be drawn up in the blood of a haemophiliac to be appropriately blinding.

Rob Stowell

Thu, 10 May 2007 20:28:46 +1200

Wise Industry heads like yourselves will know this project needs an obfuscator. I will obfuscate for the above terms, providing l'amie Belgique is not Flemmish, and lightly dipped in quality chocolate.
But enough haggling: money is so tedious and I'm self-abnegating so I'll handle all the cash.
What about the…

Riddley Walker

Thu, 10 May 2007 20:28:10 +1200

Rob?
Rob....?
he's there already isn't he.

Riddley Walker

Thu, 10 May 2007 20:19:10 +1200

good idea Rob. i'm in it for the art too.
will have 911 and girlfriend there within the hour. antwerpers ok?

Riddley Walker

Thu, 10 May 2007 20:18:05 +1200

yes yes hired hired. actually Rob it was my project all along.
m is really my PA, he just likes to pretend and i humour him because well, he has this german thing – so don't sign ANYTHING with him... i'll send one of my people over in the next…

Rob Stowell

Thu, 10 May 2007 20:08:29 +1200

Merc, I can find people if needs must. But I'm not in it for the money. I just want a targa convertible and a Belgian girlfriend.

merc

Thu, 10 May 2007 18:10:33 +1200

Rob, you're hired. BTW, we don't need to use budget sfx, we're going for a HUGE grant and German funding.
We'll sort out your contract after the final draft, we'll get our people to talk to your people, do you have people?