Transcription of new Rick Perry ad

Dear Readers. I'm going to assume that you are mortal. And no mere mortal can absorb the full essence of Rick Perry in 1 minute 45 seconds. In the interest of public health, I have transcribed this ad below.

Parking meters urban decay empty streets public transport deindustrialisation Obama The Walking Dead S01E01 hurricanes barbershops foreclosures why are kids not playing in the hurricane - OBAMA IN THE CORNER! - creepy greeting cards gauntlet I hate my cafeteria buses vandalised by rappers Obama miniture American flag on saggy concrete building signifying urban decay iconic Obama VOTE poster next to HOPE poster except the hope poster is already ripped to shreds and I think they actually drew an Afro on Obama but IT'S DECAYING LIKE THE URBAN DECAY THAT WAS JUST FORESHADOWED - DRAMATIC TURNING POINT! Crank volume to TENSION crack out the brand jujitsu - O = Zero jobs O = Zero confidence ZERO ZERO ZERO ZERO ZERO ZERO ZERO - WHERE'S YOUR PRECIOUS BRAND OBAMA NOW COMMIE HIPSTER PINKOS - WE BRAND JUJITSUed THAT SHIT (though we wouldn't say that cos that sounds foreign and/or gay, and subvert sounds wanky elitist and definitely gay) - ZERO NOTHING OBAMA PRESIDENT ZERO (ZING!) economy is shit one in six Americans live in poverty and what they really need is an extension on the Bush tax cuts - disapproving lady at disconcerting angle - AbruptCutsClimax!: Obamastockmarket ObamaChinesewords Obamastockphoto ObamashakinghandswithChinesepeople ObamaI'MHAVINGANEPILEPTICFIT ObamaDONTFORGETTHE2008LOGOONEMORETIME.

Breath. You have 1.4 seconds.

"In 2012" FLAG horses FLAG city fields LIBERTY cameras RICKMOTHERFUCKINGPERRY boots subliminalspeedsingleframe:TRAINwithCHUUUnoise FLAGonKid ladygladeyesPerry Perry's on TV "AMERICA will discover" kidlookingoutofwindow kid blinding light PerryWithFlags MOTIONBLUR peoplescreamingshitinbackground PerryWithFlags PerryWithCamera PerryWithMarines PerryHuggingLadyBecauseHe'sEmpathetic PerryWithUS&TexasFlagLookingLikeHe'sWonSomething PerryInSuit BANG, BITCH "A new name in LEADERSHIP" PerryWithFlags FLAG LIBERTY COWS! PerryWithTexanSoldiersAndCustomsOfficerWithRubberGloves SteelSuspensionBridge FLAG PerryWithFlag-STEPZOOM LIKEHEJUSTPUNCHEDYOUINTHEFACE (he didn't BUT HE FUCKING COULD HAVE)- old man PerryWithFlag NOW WE ARE IN SPACE BECAUSE WE ARE AMERICA FUCK YEAH (we're still in space right?) - on a truck! shaking hands with guys with beards! WELDING! RAAA! Hard hats! Trucks! Buildings! Tires! HIGHFIVERICKPERRY "An AMERICAN" (unlike oh, I don't want to name any names...) Soldier! PerryInUniformAndBadassAviatorsWithBombersAndExplosions! IwaJimaFlag [Some B&W footage which look like immigrants kissing America's land under the watchful eye of Lady Liberty] $2 Shop Lady Liberty Helicopter FLAG PerryWithWife PerryWithFactoryWorkers KidAspiringToBeFighterJet ClappingLadies PerryWithFlag Church Macy'sWithFlag PerryWithBuilders PerryWithGuyInSuit KidsDrawingFLAG "A PRESIDENT" RibbonCutting "Who will lead A NATION" HotDogGuy PerryStillInThatFactoryWithAlltheBeardedGuys Traffic NewCar FLAG City Open Harvester PerryWithBuilders PerryWithFlag - MOTIONBLURGASM!!! CharlesBronsonPose AdoringCrowds Fields City LumberYard Perry Cameras PerryWithFlags PerrySalutingFactoryGuys PERRYPRESIDENT!

Elle Hunt, 15:12 Sep 23, 2011

On second thoughts, Keith—I'm going to say more mental than funny.

Nah, it was funny. Mental-funny.

Since Sep 2011 • 1 posts Report

Keith Ng, 15:13 Sep 23, 2011

In related news, I UNDERSTAND PERRY NOW.

Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 543 posts Report

George Darroch, 15:15 Sep 23, 2011

I salute... you.

Flags, any flags, used in any way, viewed by voters push voters towards the Republican Party. I never saw so many Australian flags as at the Liberal Party conference at the hotel I worked at last year, and expect to see a bloom of flags at any National Party event in the next few weeks.

WLG • Since Nov 2006 • 2264 posts Report

Keith Ng, 15:32 Sep 23, 2011

Ha. I'm pretty sure the NZ flag doesn't work.

James Butler, in reply to Keith Ng, 15:44 Sep 23, 2011

OTOH, an Iranian flag almost certainly would.

Auckland • Since Jan 2009 • 856 posts Report

JackElder, in reply to Keith Ng, 15:45 Sep 23, 2011

The official NZ flag, no. The ABs silver fern, probably will.

Wellington • Since Mar 2008 • 709 posts Report

andin, 15:57 Sep 23, 2011

Welcome to the forth coming nightmare and those that seek to profit from it.

raglan • Since Mar 2007 • 1891 posts Report

Paul Williams, 16:13 Sep 23, 2011

Equally and unsurprisingly weird, this RNZ interview with Meatloaf is weird!

Sydney • Since Nov 2006 • 2273 posts Report

3410, 16:19 Sep 23, 2011

Equally and unsurprisingly weird

And both are Texans.

Auckland • Since Jan 2007 • 2618 posts Report

Paul Williams, in reply to 3410, 16:33 Sep 23, 2011

But then so is Lyle Lovett

David Cormack, 16:39 Sep 23, 2011

This is the bestest public address post I have read in a long time.

Suburbia, Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 218 posts Report

Chelsea Hughes, 19:32 Sep 23, 2011

Why am I not surprised that US campaign ads are beginning to look more and more like movie trailers. God I hope Perry’s running for president because he’s too ashamed to be governor of TX anymore. He says America needs jobs – what about the 50,000 he just cut from education in Texas? I’m proud to be born and raised Texan, but ffs some people make it very difficult sometimes!

Karori • Since Sep 2011 • 1 posts Report

Jackson James Wood, 19:52 Sep 23, 2011

When in 2012 does the movie come out?!!?!1! I can't wait.

New Zealand • Since May 2011 • 21 posts Report

rosie rocket, 20:26 Sep 23, 2011

Barring Obama of course, there is a disturbing lack of non-Caucasian people on that.. that.. that piece of faux-realism! It is also scary that politicians in the US are portrayed as somehow being superhuman creatures that can singlehandedly fix stupendously complex issues (or create new ones) with a wave of their hand, or a speech from the Oval Office..

Cushla McKinney, 01:55 Sep 24, 2011

It is also scary that politicians in the US are portrayed as somehow being superhuman creatures that can singlehandedly fix stupendously complex issues (or create new ones) with a wave of their hand, or a speech from the Oval Office..

Unfortunately the politicians believe it too. Then they get into office and find out they can't. This is where Obama has come unstuck; he promised so much only to find out that "no we can't" (at least not when he's outflanked by the Mad Hatter's Tea Party(

Dunedin • Since Nov 2006 • 14 posts Report

Russell Brown, in reply to Cushla McKinney, 08:16 Sep 24, 2011

Unfortunately the politicians believe it too. Then they get into office and find out they can't. This is where Obama has come unstuck

I think he came unstuck because he hasn't played the Superhero/Cowboy figure in office, and that's what Americans seem to expect of their presidents now.

Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 22850 posts Report

Ian Dalziel, 08:19 Sep 24, 2011

raising standards...

IwaJimaFlag

that's Iwo Jima you, you..
goddamnedleftypinko you...

What a great nation!
from the desolate early scenes
(post-rapture?)
then being carried along in
the orgiastic stock pic frenzy
of patriotism - I too now want
Perry White to be Editor in Chief
of the Daily Planet!

see the the first trailer here:

see the best of the movie here:

Ohh Amerika,
Gobless...

Christchurch • Since Dec 2006 • 7953 posts Report

Craig Ranapia, in reply to Cushla McKinney, 08:42 Sep 24, 2011

This is where Obama has come unstuck; he promised so much only to find out that "no we can't" (at least not when he's outflanked by the Mad Hatter's Tea Party(

I love the way that when Obama grasps the whole separation of powers shtick, thinks bipartisanship actually means something (and gets told to fuck himself over and over) it's always his fault. I think his big mistake is making the assumption that the current Tea Bagged GOP actually gives a rodent's rectum about anything other than knee-capping him at every turn.

North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 12370 posts Report

Craig Ranapia, 09:08 Sep 24, 2011

Meanwhile, back on Planet Douche a gay serviceman getting booed at a primary debate is "unfortunate".

Fuckers.

James Bremner, 10:06 Sep 24, 2011

Don't worry Keith, I don't think you will have to transcribe too many more Perry ads, with two lousy debate performances and some strange/changing positions (e.g. social security is unconstitutional- no it isn't, paying the tuition of the children of illegal immigrants - the state of TX doesn't do that for the children of born and bred Texans), I think his goose is cooked. Didn't take long, talk about a shooting star.
Romney will be the Repub nominee and looking at polls in battleground states, Obama is in deep shit. He is low 40s in lots of critical states, and I don't see anything that is going to change the economy or job creation in his favor before the election.
Unless Obama does a 180 and reduces rather increases uncertainty by stopping talking about tax increases, actually seriously starts cutting Fed govt expenditure, making the NLRB and the EPA pull their head in and doing something to reduce the uncertainty and costs surrounding the imapct of Obamacare, companies are not going to start hiring. But none of that is going to happen. Barry is a committed leftie, he really believes he is doing the right thing, despite the obvious failure of his policies.
It has been amazing watching Obama's trajectory. From demi God to putz in a few short years. I guess Habitat for Humanity will get another loser ex president to help them build houses.

NOLA • Since Nov 2006 • 353 posts Report

william blake, 10:28 Sep 24, 2011

Apparently Perry has thrown his hat in the ring for the Epsom seat....

Since Mar 2010 • 380 posts Report

Danielle, 10:31 Sep 24, 2011

Heh. I went to 'last post' in this thread and knew it was James before I even scrolled upwards to see the name. All the talking points buzzwords leapt out at me so beautifully.

Charo World. Cuchi-cuchi!… • Since Nov 2006 • 3828 posts Report

James Bremner, 10:35 Sep 24, 2011

Danielle, it's been too long....
Well, how do you think Obama has been doing and what do you think of his chances next year? A lot of Dems are not too happy right now.

Craig Ranapia, in reply to James Bremner, 11:02 Sep 24, 2011

Barry is a committed leftie

Only on Planet Tea Bag, dear… Then again, James, I guess we can squint past Gov. Romney’s record as a pretty moderate New England governor who made Obama look like a pussy when it came to Marxist healthcare.

Sacha, in reply to Craig Ranapia, 11:05 Sep 24, 2011

Barry

please don't encourage the baggy dickness about names

Ak • Since May 2008 • 19745 posts Report

OnPoint by Keith Ng

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