Posts by Megan Wegan
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Hard News: Rape and unreason, in reply to Steve Parks,
Excellent point. And I would again reiterate that, statistically, being at home in the company of people we know, is much more dangerous.
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Hard News: Rape and unreason, in reply to Craig Ranapia,
I’m sure you’ll find something more to your liking elsewhere on the internet.
Try Reddit.
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Hard News: Rape and unreason, in reply to Dean Papa,
I look around, but I cannot see any evidence of this victim-blaming culture that would seem to be so prevalent, if what I have read in here is to be believed. There appears to be disconnect with reality. No wonder Russell gives congratulations for the conversation not blowing into smithereens, as it surely would have in another forum. Hard News is a closed shop, anyone with a dissenting view is quickly dispatched. I wanted to say more on this subject, but I am intimidated by the angry and judgemental feminists.
Well, you know, I do get real angry and judgmental when someone denies the experience of my life, and the lives of almost every woman I know. Soz.
So here you go. Approximately 29 percent of New Zealand women and 9 percent of men experience unwanted and distressing sexual contact over their lifetime. That’s almost a third of women.
Currently, Wellington Rape Crisis is funded by a pizza company. Because apparently protecting and aiding victims of sexual crimes isn’t a thing that’s important.
And, never mind what I, and other women, have personally written in this thread about the things people have said to us, we are told to not walk alone at night. The message isn’t “hello, person attacking women, stop doing that, and we’re going to catch you”. It’s “ladies, stop putting yourselves in harm’s way”.
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Oh Helen Marie. I have no words.
Can I just say though? There's a difference between "If I had been more careful, it wouldn't have happened", and "it's my fault". Nothing excuses what those men did to you. Not a thing. And it's not fair to ask you (us, every victim, all women) to never leave the house, or have a drink, or talk to a man, or have a job, or a life at all, in the name of "being careful". (I'm not saying you're doing that, I'm saying that's what rape culture says to us.)
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Hard News: Rape and unreason, in reply to Russell Brown,
Yep. More than one woman to me. “Well, you shouldn’t have slept with him in the first place.”
Which, yes. Is awful.
But let’s not forget that it was a man who assaulted me, and men who taught him that it was ok to do that. (Eta: in his specific case, I mean.)
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One last thing, and then I am going away for a long weekend.
I don't want to read back through, to check, what I've said but i try really hard not to say we need to say these things *to men*. If I did, I apologise. Because we need to day them full stop.
The message that sexual assault isn't ok needs to be sent to women too. Because while men are overwhelmingly committing these crimes, some women do too. Probably more than we realise.
And women need to understand that they can say no. Safety permitting, they can say "I don't want to have sex." We don't teach young women that, and then we wonder why Blurred fucking Lines is a thing.
Also, for victims, it'd be really nice if the message was always, "it's really shit that this happened to you. Nothing you did was wrong. Feel no shame."
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Hard News: Rape and unreason, in reply to Jolisa,
*tears*
but the good kind, not the kind that I normally have in conversations like these.
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Hard News: Rape and unreason, in reply to Morgan Nichol,
A touch can be enough to say yes. Or a look can be enough to say no. Or just knowing that everything you spoke about over dinner was about how fucking tired she is after a full on day at work. Is it unreasonable to check in with your partner? No of course not.
But that's what we're asking for. No one is suggesting people have to negotiate a 20-page contract. (Although Emma? Yeah.) But it's arming people with the tools to understand when a look being a yes is enough, and when an actual conversation is needed. And sometimes, yes, that needs to be an explicit conversation.
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Hard News: Rape and unreason, in reply to Jolisa,
Recently, via a combination of bloodymindedness and encouraging visualisations, I’d almost talked myself into being brave enough to go out for a run, alone or with a friend, in my familiar streets in the (not-yet-dark-but-nearly) evenings, which is the most convenient time to get some exercise.
I am surrounded by good friends. They check in with me when I am leaving to ask how I am getting home. They know my escape routes. They don't touch me on the neck, and they don't come to my house unannounced. They rescue me from overly handsy people when I am starting to panic and can't think clearly enough to know what to do. They check to make sure that I get home OK.
What hurts is that I like walking home alone. I like walking in the quiet and the murky black. I like time to myself outside, on the watefront, with shadows and cool breezes and stars.
And I never get to do that, because there are invariably footsteps behind me, and a dark, solid shape, and I have to wonder "if I get attacked here, how far do I have to run to safety, and what will some idiot say about how I shouldn't have been there in the first place?"
I don't believe, for a second, that all men are potential attackers. I don't want to believe that. I don't want men to believe that, and I certainly don't want the people who do commit violence to think that.
But we all have these stories. We all have the fear and the experiences and the People Who Just Don't Listen. And, as in most things, I think we'd all be better having this conversation if we tried for some empathy.
So. Dylan: I'm sorry if you've been made to feel that women view you as a danger. That must be a horrible feeling. I understand that you think that a message that men are violent makes the situation worse. I'd ask you to try to understand that from our perspective, the situation already is all the things you're trying to avoid.
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Hard News: Rape and unreason, in reply to Dylan Reeve,
Maybe it does. But should the response be to then assume that all 114 are potential attackers?
Until I have evidence otherwise? Yes.