Up Front by Emma Hart

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Up Front: P.A. Story

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  • Bart Janssen, in reply to Islander,

    stretching the syntax just a weeeee bit there

    You say that like it's a bad thing

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 4461 posts Report Reply

  • Steve Barnes, in reply to Islander,

    Hmmm: stretching the syntax just a weeeee bit there Steve B!

    Syntax, Sin Tax, now there's a thought. The "Conservatives" would pay dearly.
    ;-)

    Peria • Since Dec 2006 • 5521 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart, in reply to Steve Barnes,

    Syntax, Sin Tax, now there's a thought.

    'S'called "excise tax", isn't it?

    Okay. Richmond the pink-shirted whistle-fondling referee is being attacked by zombie rugby players. We need to free him from this situation so he can board Ellerslie Panmure's pirate ship for the trip down the Avon and round to Governor's Bay.

    Creative solutions?

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4651 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha, in reply to Emma Hart,

    Pink shirt, you say.

    (and where's that attachment function gone again?)

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19745 posts Report Reply

  • recordari, in reply to Sacha,

    (and where’s that attachment function gone again?)

    It got ssh rm attach.©odwinned. Orsum tink.

    AUCKLAND • Since Dec 2009 • 2607 posts Report Reply

  • Bart Janssen,

    He stepped out of the shadows his long brown coat swinging open
    "Damned if I know how I got here, and really - pink?" he drawled.

    "Looks like we got us a problem with reanimation, I strongly recommend running, that is unless that whistle has unusual attributes"

    "I'll draw them off, you head for the dock."

    And with that he drew his pistol and started filling poor Brad with lead, and some depleted uranium for luck.

    Brad was less than impressed and lumbered towards Richmond's saviour. For a big and somewhat lifeless man he was surprisingly fast and would have caught the hero of Serenity valley but a bullet tore through an old hamstring scar and Brad went down.
    Without any magic spray or even a water bottle to restore him to activity he was no further threat to anyone.

    Richmond only looked back once, and reassured to see that the hero would survive the day turned and ran for the docks.
    From behind him he heard the brown coated man shout
    "Live long and prosper ..."

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 4461 posts Report Reply

  • Lyndon Hood,

    "I know what you're thinking. "Did he kill fifteen zombies or just forteen?" Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as the only way to kill a zombie is destroy the brains or take it's head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, pink?"

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1115 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart, in reply to Bart Janssen,

    Oh Bart. You know I love you, right?

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4651 posts Report Reply

  • Bart Janssen, in reply to Emma Hart,

    Oh Bart. You know I love you, right?

    aw shucks

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 4461 posts Report Reply

  • Kyle Matthews,

    Okay. Richmond the pink-shirted whistle-fondling referee is being attacked by zombie rugby players. We need to free him from this situation so he can board Ellerslie Panmure’s pirate ship for the trip down the Avon and round to Governor’s Bay.

    Creative solutions?

    PAS style, I think he should be hoist by his own petard out of there (yes I know you can't actually be hoist by a petard, at least without being blown into bits).

    Since Nov 2006 • 6243 posts Report Reply

  • recordari, in reply to Bart Janssen,

    From behind him he heard the brown coated man shout
    “Live long and prosper …”

    Meanwhile the Dread Pirate Robertson was back from Japan, and sick of coaching teenagers, longed for the big time. Brad was his ticket back, if only he could revive him in time. Having been lead by his pencil while coaching, he needed to get his head back in the game. He hoisted the prone Brad over his shoulder, bumped off the ref “that Pink really goes with your eyes” and ran towards the docks.

    If he could just get to his ship in time, it might not be too late for Brad, with some of that special potion number 9, it was a match made in rugby heaven.

    But where did all those zombies come from?

    AUCKLAND • Since Dec 2009 • 2607 posts Report Reply

  • Hilary Stace,

    Fascinating piece of trivia (well I think so). It's re eye of newt which was mentioned a few pages back, and has been long linked with witches' potions. In the latest New Scientist (16 July p 15) is a report that scientists have found that newts have the remarkable ability to regenerate the lenses in their eyes, often several times over their lifetime. Probably clever DNA repair, and something humans can only envy. So those witches were onto something.

    Wgtn • Since Jun 2008 • 3229 posts Report Reply

  • Ian Dalziel, in reply to Hilary Stace,

    Newtonian optics...

    eye of newt

    I think it was Peter Cook who said:
    "I have a pet newt called Tiny
    I call him Tiny because he's my newt"
    <cymbal crash!>

    Or was Cook's the legal rant objecting to
    someone being described as "pissed as a newt"
    as he knew many sober newts and it was an unfair inference on the character of the species...

    The eyes have it
    - which witch is wych?
    Spookily, further to a conversation with Dr Haywood this morning about the genus of Witch Hazel (Hamamelidaceae virginiana), my thoughts that it was associated with witches because of its use in folk medicine are unfounded...
    the genus is in wych - for trees with pliant branches - from a Gemanic root wic(e) meaning bend.
    Ergo wicker baskets I guess...
    (Scandanavian viker = willow, vika = to bend)
    Does this mean Wiccans go on benders?
    And what does it imply for vicars...

    Christchurch • Since Dec 2006 • 7953 posts Report Reply

  • Steve Barnes, in reply to Ian Dalziel,

    You may have to look it up in, wait for it.... Wickerpedia
    Boom Boom

    Peria • Since Dec 2006 • 5521 posts Report Reply

  • Islander, in reply to Steve Barnes,

    Yesss!

    Big O, Mahitahi, Te Wahi … • Since Feb 2007 • 5643 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    Heyas. I'm still going... though I've worked out which bit I'll be using for the OGB, I still want to finish the story, which has a startlingly coherent actual plot. Sort of. In a way. Also strongly tempted to try to record this as a full-cast audiobook the next time I'm in Wellington...

    Anyway. We're at the witch's place. Where is the Winkie of St Richie? Hidden/lost/gone walkabout, etc. I'll admit I've now got so lazy that last night I thought, "Well, it could be X, but you know what? I bet someone at PAS can come up with something better..."

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4651 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha, in reply to Emma Hart,

    Where is the Winkie of St Richie?

    Under the ruck

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19745 posts Report Reply

  • Steve Barnes, in reply to Emma Hart,

    Where is the Winkie of St Richie?

    Swallowed by an angelic sea monster?
    Oh!, the Huge Manatee...

    Peria • Since Dec 2006 • 5521 posts Report Reply

  • recordari, in reply to Sacha,

    Under the ruck

    Stuck between a ruck and a hard place?

    And while you're in there, could you get that 'I wanna ruck 'n' roll all night, and every day' ear worm out of my damn head.

    AUCKLAND • Since Dec 2009 • 2607 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart, in reply to recordari,

    And while you’re in there, could you get that ‘I wanna ruck ‘n’ roll all night, and every day’ ear worm out of my damn head.

    Have been working in Wham! lyrics. Three hours of "Club Tropicana" earworm this morning. I am my own worst enemy*.

    *Okay, no, I'm not. That's not even vaguely likely.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4651 posts Report Reply

  • Ian Dalziel, in reply to Emma Hart,

    Mains-dream media...

    I’ve worked out which bit I’ll be using for the OGB...

    Every time I see OGB I can only think of the OGB restaurant
    now in limbo in the Old Government Building in the Square...


    Where's Oor Wullie ...

    We’re at the witch’s place. Where is the Winkie of St Richie?

    ...in the Mall?
    ...recovered in the breakdown?

    St Richie is a 7*
    which could be a Sven
    (RWC rules - no Tooheys, Tui only)
    which implies Scan-Dan-avian
    ergo: get Carter the Fly Half
    to kick the winkie into touch
    touche!

    thank the Lawd it's not a Twinkie!
    'cos that would be in the pantry



    *but if he was a 9
    ya could have St Rych 9 the Alky Lord
    (derived from that Shady Knight nux vomica )

    and in keeping with the Sirenian connection
    St Richie's middle (earth?) name is Hugh - spooky!
    NB: his nickname is Fluffy!

    Christchurch • Since Dec 2006 • 7953 posts Report Reply

  • Bart Janssen, in reply to Emma Hart,

    We’re at the witch’s place. Where is the Winkie of St Richie?

    Well she's a witch so it will be in plain sight but look like something else entirely. Maybe a beautiful bronze sculpture by the gate, you know the kind everyone runs their hand over as they walk past ...

    This thread is a relief.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 4461 posts Report Reply

  • Bart Janssen, in reply to Ian Dalziel,

    I am in constant awe of the way your mind works Ian

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 4461 posts Report Reply

  • Steve Barnes, in reply to Ian Dalziel,

    Every time I see OGB I can only think of

    Well, I, for one, hope you can find the wherewithall to drag your sorry ass up here for a splendid night on the town or I shall take Pun a tive measures…

    Peria • Since Dec 2006 • 5521 posts Report Reply

  • recordari, in reply to Bart Janssen,

    I am in constant awe of the way your mind works Ian

    Yes, I myself find him ore inspiring.

    Where is the Winkie of St Richie?

    Did the winkle-picker wearing witch put the winkie in the wicker wardrobe with the Lions?

    It might have been Wilkinson's sword that got the Johnny, shaving off the upright.

    AUCKLAND • Since Dec 2009 • 2607 posts Report Reply

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