Southerly by David Haywood

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Southerly: Special Guest Michael Laws on the Richard Worth Saga

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  • Sacha,

    Rofflenui in general. After a tough week, nay year, my sincere thanks.

    I believe Mr Haywood has proved that exaggerating Lhaws just makes him sound like Wishart.

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19719 posts Report Reply

  • TracyMac,

    Nor is his depiction of lesbians as vicious, dildo-wielding loonies likely to win him much popularity with gay women.

    Hey, I am vicious and dildo-wielding, but only when people ask me nicely. Laws and his ilk should be so lucky.

    But yes, Roflnui indeed!

    Canberra, West Island • Since Nov 2006 • 701 posts Report Reply

  • Matthew Poole,

    David, it was so nearly perfect except for one tiny, fatal flaw. You failed to conflate Worth's fall from grace with a plot by the denizens of the filth of South Auckland, jealous at the success of those from suburbs north of the invisible dividing line.

    Other than that, though, 11.5/10. That someone had to ask if this was an extraction of urine is the highest of praise in my books. Bravo :)

    Auckland • Since Mar 2007 • 4097 posts Report Reply

  • Ross Mason,

    What is it with guys called "Dick"?
    "I'm not worthy. I'm am Worthy!"

    Upper Hutt • Since Jun 2007 • 1590 posts Report Reply

  • Ross Mason,

    Must efit page before pisting.....Must edit psge befire posting.....

    Must edit page before posting....


    "I'm not worthy! I am Worthy"

    Upper Hutt • Since Jun 2007 • 1590 posts Report Reply

  • Jeremy Eade,

    In April 2009 Standard & Poor's called for "new faces" in the Irish Government, which was seen as interfering in the democratic process.In a subsequent statement they said they were "misunderstood. - from wiki

    How the PC brigade must be cheering.

    -which is mikey laws gig.

    What is P.C?
    It's not talking about standard and poors.

    auckland • Since Mar 2008 • 1112 posts Report Reply

  • Rex Widerstrom,

    I once tried this (writing like Lhaws) many years ago when reviewing one of his soon-to-be-remaindered 'books' for NBR. By the end of it all I felt like my neurons were so scrambled I needed to be strapped into some Joe 90-type mind-altering device and spun round at the speed of light in order to regain the ability to order breakfast, let alone write coherently.

    So I stand in awe of you, sir, hat off, bowing low.

    Except for this bit...

    It is not a real column by Michael Laws -- however closely it resembles his prose style

    Prose style?!

    Perth, Western Australia • Since Nov 2006 • 157 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    Prose style!

    You know, I thought so too at first, but then I remembered that gorging yourself on mayonnaise and chocolate for hours on end every day still counts technically as a 'diet'. The word style works in much the same way.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report Reply

  • Geoff Lealand,

    I read the news* today, oh boy! Snap!!

    Michael Flaws "The Worth lesson" don't get caught", in the Sunday Star-Times, A8

    Screen & Media Studies, U… • Since Oct 2007 • 2558 posts Report Reply

  • David Haywood,

    Rex Widerstrom wrote:

    I once tried this (writing like Lhaws) many years ago when reviewing one of his soon-to-be-remaindered 'books' for NBR. By the end of it all I felt like my neurons were so scrambled I needed to be strapped into some Joe 90-type mind-altering device and spun round at the speed of light in order to regain the ability to order breakfast, let alone write coherently.

    Yeah, I had to read waaay_ too much Laws to write this piece. Now I'm sitting here trying to compose a serious book review, and I keep inadvertently dropping into Laws's prose (lack of) style. Oh, the pain. Strap me into the Joe 90 device, please.

    Geoff Lealand wrote:

    I read the news* today, oh boy! Snap!!

    Michael Flaws "The Worth lesson" don't get caught", in the Sunday Star-Times, A8

    My heart lifted when I saw your comment -- alas it really isn't classic Laws.

    The column more-or-less makes sense. Not his opinion, of course, but -- comparatively speaking-- it does have a logical flow. I blame the sub-editors. They've ruined it for everyone.

    Never mind -- there's always next week.

    Dunsandel • Since Nov 2006 • 1156 posts Report Reply

  • Stephen Judd,

    I think I'm going to keep this and a couple of Laws columns and in while, we can do a blind test on some lab rats. It perfectly captures his logical method of proving things by putting them in adjacent sentences.

    Laws' writing reminds me of the emphatic, repetitive, and horribly unstoppable discourse you get from street drinkers when they've ascended the magic peak between gruff and paralytic.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 3122 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown,

    It's a shame you don't get the Herald on Sunday, David. I think you could take it to the next level with a Rachel Glucina parody.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 22834 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    Quite. Like Lhaws she gives a helping hand by being a self-parody in the first place.

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19719 posts Report Reply

  • Ian Dalziel,

    Cat got ya tongue...?
    Mr H - Obviously ya took the words write out of his mouth - so the meat-loafer had a go at cats...
    (I can just see him on the banks of the mighty Whanganui, his Cleopatra eyes glistening like gaffed eels, a wriggling sugar sack in one hand, and I dread to think what, in the other...)
    ... and as well as his few lines on felines he flayed felons freely, oh and North Korea got a telling off
    ( ...it's like a Jong il sometimes... ) - that'll sort 'em...
    ... and I'd never have picked him as an anti-Zionist
    but he lambastes the "Game Park" for having ...

    ... this view that all wild animals are really human. Or would like to be... ...Promoting the belief that you can anthropomorphise the wild.

    when he had, himself, only a few paragraphs earlier, said:

    They then engage in the kind of practices that are the realm of the dirty mac brigade. Not exactly family viewing as these priapic primates pleasure themselves.

    and he talks about logic!

    Does he really get money for this mish-mash tosh?

    yrs
    Mihael Claws
    Primate of the Month
    God save the dogs...

    Christchurch • Since Dec 2006 • 7944 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    his Cleopatra eyes glistening like gaffed eels

    Gold

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19719 posts Report Reply

  • Joe Wylie,

    ... a wriggling sugar sack in one hand, and I dread to think what, in the other...

    Brown slugs!

    flat earth • Since Jan 2007 • 4593 posts Report Reply

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