Southerly by David Haywood

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Southerly: Special Guest Michael Laws on the Richard Worth Saga

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  • giovanni tiso,

    A small whlaw but surely such discourse is beneath the reading age of mhighty Mike ?

    Can I point out once again that Micael Lhaws* holds an MA in creative writing from Victoria and that at the time when I came across him he had just published the very worthy book of poetry of a dear friend?

    *I've settled for this spelling because previously he was getting a free "h" in his surname at the taxpayers expense, and that just didn't seem right.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report Reply

  • Stewart,

    Oh, I clicked on that link and now I feel tainted .

    Te Ika A Maui - Whakatane… • Since Oct 2008 • 577 posts Report Reply

  • Robyn Gallagher,

    I feel that Lhaws is probably writing a column on those lines and will struggle to avoid intertextuality with your version.

    Hey, you leave Lhaws' intertexistezes out of this!

    Raglan • Since Nov 2006 • 1946 posts Report Reply

  • littlehigh,

    Bonus geek points: can you identify which novel the "T'were well it done quickly" quote is from.]

    answer : aint a novel - its from Macbeth.
    If it were done when it is done - twere well it were done quickly - if the assassination could travel up the consequence and catch with its surcease - success - blah blah -
    Quit apt really - One politician [ macbeth] trying to find the courage to murder another [Dunca] .

    New Zealand • Since Aug 2008 • 4 posts Report Reply

  • Geoff Lealand,

    Please note that this is a work of satire. It is not a real column by Michael Laws -- however closely it resembles his prose style

    ..and you don't look anything like him..and you have better clothes sense!

    Screen & Media Studies, U… • Since Oct 2007 • 2557 posts Report Reply

  • Lucy Stewart,

    Can I point out once again that Micael Lhaws* holds an MA in creative writing from Victoria

    His interpretation of reality is nothing if not creative.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 2105 posts Report Reply

  • Geoff Lealand,

    The Key question is , " What is Richard worth?

    Screen & Media Studies, U… • Since Oct 2007 • 2557 posts Report Reply

  • Deborah,

    @ Emma:

    I think recognising the original quote from the 'get on with it' sollioquy from Macbeth is LESS geeky

    Oops! Crossed wires / intertextualities / somethings.

    I meant that it was easy enough to get the quote from Macbeth, but that it takes a real geek to get the mis-quote, which turned out to be from Heinlein.

    Confession: I have read that book. A very long time ago. I don't recall anything about it.

    New Lynn • Since Nov 2006 • 1447 posts Report Reply

  • Grant McDougall,

    David, did you apply eye shadow when you wrote this, just to make sure you really got into character ?

    Dunedin • Since Dec 2006 • 760 posts Report Reply

  • Bart Janssen,

    The thing that gave this away as a fake was the misspelling of Dr Wort's name.

    The real mayor of Whanganui would never make that mistake.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 4458 posts Report Reply

  • Bart Janssen,

    Can I point out once again that Micael Lhaws* holds an MA in creative writing from Victoria

    I presume you mean Queen Victoria and not the institute of academia.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 4458 posts Report Reply

  • philipmatthews,

    Few would actually remember this, but Laws is also a published novelist. Back in 1999, HarperCollins followed his my-life-in-politics memoir The Demon Profession with a novel called Dancing with Beezlebub. Perhaps a few excerpts from Iain Sharp's SST review can give us the flavour of it:

    "MICHAEL LAWS'S fictional debut is a tough modern thriller in the Patricia Cornwell and Thomas Harris mould _ salty dialogue, graphic sex, graphic violence, definitely not for the squeamish.
    It opens with a scene of father-daughter incest. Then the body of a young boy is fished from the Whanganui River, eyes gouged out, genitals hacked off. This is just the first of a series of grisly killings. The plot builds, through many twists, to a suitably chilling finale.
    ... Although he can summon forth a smarmy line of patter when need be, his attitude towards Wanganui _ and everyone in it _ is basically contemptuous. At various points he refers to the city as a "dump", a "dung heap", a "creepy little place", "a shithole" and a "provincial slum".
    ... Given his fondness for turning other people's prejudices upside down, it's tempting to examine some of Laws's own assumptions. While gruff Maori cop Ru Willis is probably the book's most likeable character, I think there's an element of condescension in the way Laws writes about Maori people. Nor is his depiction of lesbians as vicious, dildo-wielding loonies likely to win him much popularity with gay women."

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2007 • 656 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    Oops! Crossed wires / intertextualities / somethings.

    Ah, yeah, my apologies, I got that totally backwards.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4651 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    I presume you mean Queen Victoria and not the institute of academia.

    You presume incorrectly. Institute of modern letters under the tutorship and tutelage of Bill Manhire, biatch.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report Reply

  • David Haywood,

    Grant McDougall wrote:

    David, did you apply eye shadow when you wrote this, just to make sure you really got into character?

    I slathered my eyes with mascara until I looked like a giant sexually-ambiguous panda.

    Mind you, all pandas look sexually-ambiguous to me.

    philipmatthews quoting Iain Sharp wrote:

    Nor is his depiction of lesbians as vicious, dildo-wielding loonies likely to win him much popularity with gay women.

    That's the problem with lesbians -- they have no sense of humour about being portrayed as vicious, dildo-wielding loonies.

    Dunsandel • Since Nov 2006 • 1156 posts Report Reply

  • Bart Janssen,

    You presume incorrectly. Institute of modern letters under the tutorship and tutelage of Bill Manhire, biatch.

    Oh dear, so what they told me about Vic Uni when I was at Auckland was true? If Lhaws is a graduate I guess they were right

    <ducks>

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 4458 posts Report Reply

  • Paul Williams,

    A work of genuis indeed.

    Can I point out once again that Micael Lhaws* holds an MA in creative writing from Victoria and that at the time when I came across him he had just published the very worthy book of poetry of a dear friend?

    Really, if he's got ability why's he hide it so? I've always thought him the ultimate cypher. That'd explain why he could produce something meaningful but ultimately revert to type.

    *I've settled for this spelling because previously he was getting a free "h" in his surname at the taxpayers expense, and that just didn't seem right.

    I love this mockery. Mockery is what Lhaws deserves. I hate it when the likes of him (and Slater etc) get taken even slightly seriously.

    Sydney • Since Nov 2006 • 2273 posts Report Reply

  • Lyndon Hood,

    Can I point out once again that Micael Lhaws* holds an MA in creative writing from Victoria and that at the time when I came across him he had just published the very worthy book of poetry of a dear friend?

    This supports the theory that "Michael Laws" is in fact some kind of performance art project.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1115 posts Report Reply

  • Ian Dalziel,

    Out damned spot, down spot, damn dog...
    well that's freed up my Sunday considerably, no need for sly grokking with Mhichael Vhalentine Shmith er Lhaws ...

    ...thought maybe that given the contxt the Heinlein quote could have been The Moon is a Harsh Mistress , The Puppet Masters or even Job - A comedy of Justice !

    Looking forward to the Haywood Column in the SST then..

    yrs
    Old Man River

    Christchurch • Since Dec 2006 • 7943 posts Report Reply

  • Craig Ranapia,

    Back in the real(-ish) word, someone at the State Services Commission might like to sit down Messers Key and Goff and explain that workplace sexual harassment is 1) fucking serious shit and 2) not actually to be dealt with through "gentlemanly" phone calls and playing media silly buggers.

    Meanwhile, any woman who'd like to get the hell out of the civil service with their dignity intact should have the statutory benefit stand down waived.

    Sorry, this isn't something I'm much in the mood to treat like a joke while I'm handing out the epic fail grades.

    North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 12370 posts Report Reply

  • Sue,

    i love this site!!!

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 527 posts Report Reply

  • Joe Wylie,

    Of course, the PC brigade have put a stop to all that. Now, we are told, they must be called 'Plunket nurses'.

    That's them. Plunket nurses, the real shock troops in the ongoing pogrom against blokehood. Where once Rambo strode the earth with his rolling slo-mo gait of blokey confidence, these fifth-columnists have poisoned the minds of a generation with the message that he was merely suffering from nappy rash.

    flat earth • Since Jan 2007 • 4593 posts Report Reply

  • 81stcolumn,

    Can I point out once again that Micael Lhaws* holds an MA in creative writing from Victoria and that at the time when I came across him he had just published the very worthy book of poetry of a dear friend?

    <absurdly obsequious>

    May I humbly point out Mr Tiso that I suggested that Heinlein would be beneath him ?

    I'm hoping I can remember textses when word of the year comes around.

    Nawthshaw • Since Nov 2006 • 790 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    May I humbly point out Mr Tiso that I suggested that Heinlein would be beneath him ?

    Ah, very sorry. Please accept this exquisite antique brass monkey as a token of my regret.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report Reply

  • 81stcolumn,

    Giggle

    Nawthshaw • Since Nov 2006 • 790 posts Report Reply

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