Southerly by David Haywood

Read Post

Southerly: It's Sad that You're Leaving Us, Steve

31 Responses

First ←Older Page 1 2 Newer→ Last

  • Judi Lapsley Miller,

    As a fellow self-employed writer/researcher I too can attest to workplace injuries involving sharp knives - but who knew that the top of knife blades were also sharp! And to make matters worse, there are two sharp edges on top, not just one... makes quite a pretty parallel scar though...

    And they really should make touch-pads that work through band-aids!

    Cheers,

    Judi

    P.S. On a serious note, do check out the ACC website - as a self-employed accident-prone writer, you may be well advised to take out personal injury cover so that you're more suitably compensated when the inevitable strikes.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 106 posts Report Reply

  • jon_knox,

    Several people have emailed me to ask if I was serious in this explanation of last week's post.

    <sarcastic font>Let me be the first to enquire then if you are not serious in your explanation of last week's post.</sarcastic font>

    Hopefully that should address some of the imbalance in the cosmic forces that you mention.

    "Freelance writer" - isn't that a euphemism for....

    (Nice work!. Congratulations on the life change)

    Belgium • Since Nov 2006 • 464 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    Word-whoring is indeed a dangerous profession. I am slowly becoming chair-shaped, though my ability to procrastinate is now bordering on super-human.

    One assumes, however, that your near-mummified hands still perform their lift, tilt, and pour functions?

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4651 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown,

    Word-whoring is indeed a dangerous profession. I am slowly becoming chair-shaped, though my ability to procrastinate is now bordering on super-human.

    Stacey Gregg and I once agreed, on meeting at the fish market, that buying fish is a particularly pleasing form of procrastination for the professional writer. It just works. Although I suppose buying cheese would suffice, so long as you go to an actual cheese shop.

    Anyway, congratulations on the new direction, David. I shall try and keep my envy at your apparently limitless range of talents within reasonable bounds.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 22850 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    Although I suppose buying cheese would suffice, so long as you go to an actual cheese shop.

    If it's a deadline week, that means driving to Barry's Bay.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4651 posts Report Reply

  • David Haywood,

    Jon Knox wrote:

    "Freelance writer" - isn't that a euphemism for....

    I fear it might be. Or, at least, that's what my friends with 'proper' jobs keep suggesting...

    Emma Hart wrote:

    One assumes, however, that your near-mummified hands still perform their lift, tilt, and pour functions?

    If you're implying that I might be deficient in beer then rest assured that bandaged hands are no obstacle to my quaffing habits. My hands are all better now -- but I bet I would still exhibit the motions of beer-drinking even if my head were removed (which might be an interesting experiment to try sometime).

    Russell Brown wrote:

    ... congratulations on the new direction, David.

    Thanks, Russell. Actually, it's all down to that phone call from you a couple of years ago (so if it all goes wrong you can guess who I'll be blaming!).

    The cheese shop suggestion sounds great -- I'll bear it in mind... Oh, Emma has just anticipated the joke I was about to make RE: Barry's Bay...

    Dunsandel • Since Nov 2006 • 1156 posts Report Reply

  • Don Christie,

    Are your health woes anything to do with the STDs you contracted from your previous GP?

    Just trying to help here.

    At least being a Dr., Steve, you can write with authority on just about anything.

    Anyway, welcome to the world of capitalist piggery, brother.

    In short, good luck.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1645 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    but I bet I would still exhibit the motions of beer-drinking even if my head were removed (which might be an interesting experiment to try sometime).

    That does sound like it needs to be tried. And anything else that seems to demonstrate some kind of behavioural relationship between Kiwi males and cockroaches. Like, hitting you with a rolled-up Listener appears to have no impact at all.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4651 posts Report Reply

  • jon_knox,

    that's what my friends with 'proper' jobs keep suggesting...

    'proper' jobs of course being a euphemistic term for work performed by those without one or more of the following:

    Creative talent.
    Guts to earn a living out of their creative talents.
    Lack of success in earning a living from their creative talent....er I mean failure to recognise their true creative talent.


    Perhaps the PA in "PA System" stands for "Procrastinators Anonymous". (Oops there's one of these already). But it sure beats working!

    Belgium • Since Nov 2006 • 464 posts Report Reply

  • Stephen Judd,

    I for one would love to see a piece on the state of research in New Zealand. Decades of wasted effort - that's a powerful (and very sad) line.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 3122 posts Report Reply

  • Riddley Walker,

    someone once said a writer is an actor who's too lazy to wait tables. i always liked that one.

    but really, congrats David. good for you for following something you enjoy and leaving something that just saps your life away. even if it doesn't work out at least you won't have to put up with wondering what things might've been like if only you'd become a fulltime writer. but i think it will work out, i've always enjoyed your writing and i'm sure many others do too - it seems you have a clear talent for it. best of luck.

    AKL • Since Feb 2007 • 890 posts Report Reply

  • Rob Stowell,

    someone once said a writer is an actor who's too lazy to wait tables

    Nice- or as in "too lazy to work, too nervous to steal."
    Yeah, it's just the jealousy of the wannabe writer.

    Whakaraupo • Since Nov 2006 • 2120 posts Report Reply

  • Juha Saarinen,

    "Ten days ago I said goodbye to the Crown Research Institute (CRI) that has been my home for the last couple of years, and set off on my own as a freelance writer. Yes, I am really that stupid."

    "No, Haywood. You're this stupid," I said, sinking my boot hard into the groin of the supine doctor-schmoctor. Eyes bulging, Haywood tries to scream but the tight ball-gag turns it into a muffled, saliva-bubbling mouth-fart.

    "Look, Haywood... don't take this personally, but you're not cut out for this." Sweating bullets, Haywood looks at me. There's sullen defiance in his eyes. I stick his one free hand into the drawer of dull knives brought over from his house with him. Haywood tries in vain to scream again as his finger tops are amputated as by magic.

    "See? It's just not you. There's no safety, no comfortable retirement, no nothing ahead." He seems to have got the message, but to be sure, I smash the floorlight into his genitals, toasting his bollocks nicely until the circuit breaker stops the fun. The acrid smoke of burning pubes makes Haywood cough in a choking fashion.

    "Thank me later," I say while walking upstairs out of the dungeon and ponder as I leave whether to call an ambulance or let Haywood toughen up. Deciding on the latter option, I padlock the dungeon door and hope someone will find Haywood while he's still somewhat useful as a scientist.

    Since Nov 2006 • 529 posts Report Reply

  • Hamish,

    !

    The A.K. • Since Nov 2006 • 155 posts Report Reply

  • Stephen Judd,

    Did Simon Travaglia ghost-write that?

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 3122 posts Report Reply

  • Che Tibby,

    oooooo-kaaay....

    <backs-slowly-away>nice one there juha...</runs>

    on the other hand, you could always ghost write this for me.

    so far it's pretty average.

    the back of an envelope • Since Nov 2006 • 2042 posts Report Reply

  • jon_knox,

    Those DIY context tags are great!

    I concur with Che's heroic retreat. Step slowly away from the internet Juha....No sudden movements.....Nice & slow.....Go quietly and you won't get hurt.

    <can one of the moderators send someone round to Juha's...I think he'll offer little resistance...check the usual places for dismembered bodies & stove for bunnies being boiled. Be really, really, careful though!>.

    Belgium • Since Nov 2006 • 464 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    Tell me Juha, how long have you had this fascination with David's groin? Because I'm getting an inkling that it might be unhealthy.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4651 posts Report Reply

  • Juha Saarinen,

    It's more of a smoking crater now, but yeah, unhealthy describes it quite well.

    Should let David out so he can respond actually.

    Since Nov 2006 • 529 posts Report Reply

  • jon_knox,

    Just found an interesting feedscraper. Which does something that I'd considered hacking together some time ago.

    For those of you who are RSS enabled I'd be interested to learn if this works for you (I've been using netvibes as my reader).

    http://feed43.com/3182016436744535.xml

    Belgium • Since Nov 2006 • 464 posts Report Reply

  • Anne M,

    Sadly, many of my former colleagues have poured years of their lives into brilliant projects only to have them inexplicably cancelled in mid-stride. I've found myself particularly haunted by the comments of one senior scientist, who told me: "When I look back on my career all I see are decades of wasted effort".

    BTDT. And lets talk about the money - I have a PhD and 15 years experience and I get paid less than a kindy teacher. And the job prospects. Well, your post adequately describes them. OK, so let's not talk about them.

    Good luck, and I think you're making a well thought out move. Freelancing may be a bit dodgy on the steady-income front, but the long term prospects are better than sticking around in science in NZ

    Since Nov 2006 • 104 posts Report Reply

  • Che Tibby,

    DAVID! DAVID!!

    knock twice if you're still in the house and can hear us!!

    twice!!

    the back of an envelope • Since Nov 2006 • 2042 posts Report Reply

  • Che Tibby,

    And lets talk about the money - I have a PhD and 15 years experience and I get paid less than a kindy teacher. And the job prospects.

    i got out of academe for that exact reason. i now get to do actual research instead of being a teaching engine, made senior within a year of finishing the phd, and am paid completely respectable money.

    david, assuming i'm not preaching to the perverted (if you can hear this, ref. last comment), think of supplementing your $$ from this site. the contracts are fewer than they used to be (lots of agencies are moving their expertise in-house to economise), but there's still occasional money to be made by smart people.

    plus, it's business-as-usual to offer small contracts (say less than $15-20k) to a limited number of preferred tenders, if you were to establish such a relationship with a relevant agency.

    the back of an envelope • Since Nov 2006 • 2042 posts Report Reply

  • Juha Saarinen,

    While we wait for David to come to, let's draw up a list of "safe" career choices... here's mine:

    1) Estate agent
    2) Accountant
    3) Lawyer
    4) Local politician

    Are there any productive professions that could go in there?

    Since Nov 2006 • 529 posts Report Reply

  • David Haywood,

    Oh... very sorry to have been absent from the discussion. I've been catching up on the lawn-mowing and hedge-trimming which various ailments have prevented me from doing the last couple of weekends.

    Thanks to everybody for their kind words... they are *very* much appreciated.

    Stephen Judd wrote:

    I for one would love to see a piece on the state of research in New Zealand.

    Yep, I plan to write something about this, Stephen. Quite a big job, though, as I'd like to take a close look at how they do this in similar-ish countries to NZ (which basically boils down to Ireland, Norway, Finland, Denmark, and Singapore (if you count Singapore as a country rather than a city-state)). I'd also like to do some digging as to how much it costs the government to award research funding. To extrapolate from the CRI I used to work for -- I estimate that it must cost around $0.50 in administration for each $1.00 awarded (which doesn't strike me as very efficient).

    Che Tibby wrote:

    david, assuming i'm not preaching to the perverted (if you can hear this, ref. last comment), think of supplementing your $$ from this site.

    That looks really interesting, Che. I shall definitely check that out as a possibility. Much appreciated.

    Juha Saarinen wrote:

    "No, Haywood. You're this stupid," I said... I padlock the dungeon door and hope someone will find Haywood while he's still somewhat useful as a scientist.

    Err... alarmingly vivid prose there, Juha. It makes me slightly nervous to accept your invitation to celebrate Finnish National Dungeon Day with you. Are you absolutely sure that this festival is the Finnish equivalent of Waitangi Day?

    Dunsandel • Since Nov 2006 • 1156 posts Report Reply

First ←Older Page 1 2 Newer→ Last

Post your response…

Please sign in using your Public Address credentials…

Login

You may also create an account or retrieve your password.