Southerly by David Haywood

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Southerly: I Was Dissed By Three Old Ladies

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  • Jen Hay,

    I was there, and can vouch for the surrealness of the whole event.

    I think part of the reason that it shocked me was that it was 3 women in the car. I think if it had been men it would have felt less surprising to me. Which I guess must reveal something about my hidden biases regarding the innate dispositions of women vs men. Or something...

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 43 posts Report Reply

  • Robyn Gallagher,

    Like my gran used to say, once a hobag, always a hobag.

    Since Nov 2006 • 1946 posts Report Reply

  • 3410,

    Reminds me of the time I spotted someone at the intersection outside our flat chuck a complete set of McDonald's rubbish out of the window. I tore downstairs, out on to the street, scooped it up and managed to hiff the whole lot back through the driver's window just as the light went green. Felt good!

    Auckland • Since Jan 2007 • 2618 posts Report Reply

  • Hadyn Green,

    "Excuse me madam you seemed to have dropped your confectionery wrapper. Allow me to return it to you in as much an unsoiled condition as possible"
    Or
    "Here's the fucking litter you dropped you dried up old bitch"

    Whatever feels right at the time

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 2090 posts Report Reply

  • Danyl Mclauchlan,

    Something I never got used to when travelling in the Middle East or India was the way people in those countries would simply throw litter away as soon as they were done with it; all the other horrors: limbless infants, beggers with empty eye-sockets, wandering past dead bodies, children being beaten by the roadside . . . sure all that stuff was way more shocking at first, and then gradually less so then one day simply blase but I never got used to the sight of people flagrantly littering. The 'be a tidy kiwi' brainwashing is powerful stuff.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 927 posts Report Reply

  • David Haywood,

    ... I spotted someone at the intersection outside our flat chuck a complete set of McDonald's rubbish out of the window. I ... managed to hiff the whole lot back through the driver's window just as the light went green.

    You are my hero, dude!

    That course of action did occur to me -- but I was hindered by the fact that I was dealing with three elderly ladies. Somehow didn't seem very nice.

    Dunsandel • Since Nov 2006 • 1156 posts Report Reply

  • Whoops,

    Heh... reminds me of the time...

    Oxford (UK), old couple walking down the footpath as we walk behind, old lady drops sweet wrapper on ground.

    Me (in probably the same tone as you): "I'd Have Though Your Generation Would Know Better."

    Her: "Oh dear" picks up litter, looks embarrassed.

    Me: smug for the rest of the evening till I start to think that if she'd been a 6 foot muscle bound youth I would've kept my mouth shut... what a coward. Littering is a worse crime than cowardice, so she won.

    here • Since Apr 2007 • 105 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    Which leaves me with the question: what could I have done differently? How could I have communicated to them (and have them listen and understand) that it isn't okay to throw your rubbish in the street?

    No-win situation. What you need is my elderly mother to totally kick their arses.

    Given your recent track record, though, I'm really looking forward to lunch tomorrow.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4651 posts Report Reply

  • Ross Mason,

    *555 - Hello, I would like to report a case of littering....yes, littering...Sumner....on the promenade....A little lady...could be old, yes...old....three of them in a car....FGR564...Why have I called?...because I want to make sure that when I pick up the litter and walk over to the car to give it back to her that my call is being recorded for posterity and any impending assault case....Here we go....(trot,trot trot)....Good morning madam, I think you dropped this. I would like to give it back to you. Pardon, Madam?...$%^##$@#$$%$@...Oh, I see...I am placing it through the window....now....She is opening the door and coming towards me.....she is bringing the litter with her...she has thrown it at my face....I have picked it up again and put in through the window of the car....her 'friends' have got out of the car and are coming towards me....all three of them? ....yes Sir...What should I do?....leave them?....alone?.....Oh..you have heard of them huh?....who are they?.....The Riccarton Sows? Oh ha ha...sounds like they are the pick of the litter.....

    What is scary is that these little old ladies were probably (amongst others) bikie girls years ago...well...not that many years ago and they could be the first of a wave of THAT youth reaching THIS age....Jeez...great!

    Upper Hutt • Since Jun 2007 • 1590 posts Report Reply

  • David Haywood,

    Emma Hart wrote:

    Given your recent track record, though, I'm really looking forward to lunch tomorrow.

    Ha -- if you don't mind talking to an (ex-) engineer!

    Just remembered that -- a year or so back -- a parked car-load of teenagers threw a beer can on our front lawn. I asked them to pick it up. They did.

    Oh, I shall have fun presenting my anec-data to Garth McVicar...

    Dunsandel • Since Nov 2006 • 1156 posts Report Reply

  • Stephen Judd,

    Clearly you should have rammed the offending items back into her lap, put the boot into car panels, and shouted "NO FUCKER LITTERS IN FRONT OF ALAN BOLLARD AND GETS AWAY WITH IT."

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 3122 posts Report Reply

  • David Haywood,

    What is scary is that these little old ladies were probably (amongst others) bikie girls years ago...well...not that many years ago and they could be the first of a wave of THAT youth reaching THIS age...

    You have the most disturbing theories, Ross...

    Dunsandel • Since Nov 2006 • 1156 posts Report Reply

  • David Haywood,

    Stephen:

    I need an emergency contact number for you -- so that I can phone for instruction when I next find myself in this type of situation...

    Dunsandel • Since Nov 2006 • 1156 posts Report Reply

  • Grace Dalley,

    Good on you for having a go, David. As a Sumner girl I feel ashamed on behalf of the suburb!
    You'd hope old ladies would use their special powers for good, but you must have met the Evil Nemeses.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2008 • 138 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    Invoking the Bollard - genius!

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19745 posts Report Reply

  • Carol Stewart,

    David: Wow.
    As a charm offensive approach you could have tried handing the offending items back through the car window and saying "Here, you dropped something". I have tried this before with some success and the litter-droppers having the grace to look somewhat shamefaced. But unlikely in this situation I guess - these customers sound like total recidivists.
    At least they will be extinct before too long.

    Wellington • Since Jul 2008 • 830 posts Report Reply

  • Robyn Gallagher,

    A few years ago I was waiting for a bus when a dude threw his cigarette on the footpath. I picked it up and put it in the rubbish bin one step away. I saw a lady giving me a look that was like "Good on you, but eeeew!"

    Cigarette litter is a funny thing. Butts are so small and everyone throws them on the ground, but they don't go away by themselves. If you're lucky the council sweeper will pick them up, but they'll more likely get washed down a stormwater drain and straight out to sea, and that is really shitty indeed.

    And last week, on the express train going from Taita to Wellington, the conductors chucked some litter out the window. I wanted to say something, but it was just me and him in the carriage that wasn't going to stop until it got to Wellington. Shame on you, littering TranzMetro conductor!

    Since Nov 2006 • 1946 posts Report Reply

  • Gerald,

    Monty Python: Hell's Grannies. It's coming true...
    These women were in their 20s in the 60s-- maybe they are the first wave of the anti-establishment elderly... the heavy-metal head-bangers will be next, followed by the punk-grans.

    Katikati • Since Aug 2009 • 1 posts Report Reply

  • Paul Campbell,

    Damn - and here I find myself off to Berkeley on Monday - I was going to drag you out to coffee or dinner to meet some other local kiwis with young kids ....

    Indoctrinating the kids only lasts to the point where it gets to embarrassing or even dangerous - I remember my 5 yr old son going up to total strangers and telling them off for smoking ....

    Berkeley actually has a self funding street sweeping program - in order to get around prop 13 limitations the city sweeps every street once a month - they pay for it by ticketing people who forget to move their car that morning .... still we used to live around the corner from a fast food place people would drive up eat their food and dump it in the street - eventually we started protesting their zoning and got the fast food place to spend time picking up their customer's trash.

    One thing that pisses me off in NZ compared to where I used to live in the US is the comparative lack of public garbage cans - I think the NZ councils are scared people might actually use them and then they'd be forced to empty them

    I've adopted a bit of the local Dunedin Town Belt near my house, collecting a bag of garbage every time I walk through - I think I was picking up 100 years of trash - but after 3-4 months I found I couldn't come close to filling a bag - I like to pick up glass figuring it will be out there after I die if I don't.

    People seem reluctant to drop more garbage in a space that's actually clean ..... still a rubbish bin at each end of the path wouldn't go amiss.

    I'd like to encourage everyone to pick up a bad of trash when they go out walking, it's not hard and after a while it does make a difference

    Dunedin • Since Nov 2006 • 2623 posts Report Reply

  • TracyMac,

    Entitlement Bitches have no age. First cohort of boomers heading into their pension years?

    Also, there's that particular type who are all about "I've always done whatever the fuck I want to do" and become more evil about it with age.

    And word about cigarette butts. I HATE THEM - they're still bloody non-degradeable rubbish - THROW THEM AWAY. I haven't looked at cig packets in NZ over the last few years, but I'm sure the only purpose of those revolting pictures on the Australian ones is to gross out unsuspecting passers-by who happen to spot someone's smoking detritus. It certainly doesn't seem to stop people from smoking the fags contained in the horrible things. And, honestly, if people don't know now that smoking causes all manner of horrible things, they've been living in a cave for the past 40 years. Surely a simple "Smoking can seriously screw up your health" will suffice (and keep the buggers out of immediate display).

    Canberra, West Island • Since Nov 2006 • 701 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown,

    What is scary is that these little old ladies were probably (amongst others) bikie girls years ago...well...not that many years ago and they could be the first of a wave of THAT youth reaching THIS age...

    One time, when a group of us were staying in a sweet little village in Portugal, we managed to convince our lovely but awesomely gullible friend Stuart that the local headscarved old ladies (the kind that seem to roll off a production line in parts of Europe) were in fact a local scooter gang called The Nanas.

    But that was just a joke. Not like that real shit in Christchurch.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 22850 posts Report Reply

  • Craig Ranapia,

    That course of action did occur to me -- but I was hindered by the fact that I was dealing with three elderly ladies. Somehow didn't seem very nice.

    If they want to regress into their second childhood, they should be treated like children. Dirty, obnoxious, tiresomely egotistical children who need to be socialised to understand that 1) they are not the pivot around which the whole universe turns and 2) actions have consequences.

    Here's another radical notion: Respect is earned, not given as of right because you refuse to piss off and die

    North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 12370 posts Report Reply

  • jb,

    It's not as if the underclass just popped up out of nowhere. They've had their role models (sic) for at least 3 generations and probably longer.

    And don't forget that Ponsonby and Freeman's Bay were classed as slums (with social attitudes to match) until well into the 1970s.

    Living in Germany where the streets are mostly litter-free, I find release by asking obviously able-bodied folk skipping away after parking in a mobility-challenged parking space if they need a hand to carry their shopping back to their car.
    I'll admit to having been threatened with physical violence on occasion, but if no-one says anything, it becomes the norm.

    a.small.town.in.germany • Since Jan 2007 • 86 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    asking obviously able-bodied folk skipping away after parking in a mobility-challenged parking space if they need a hand to carry their shopping back to their car

    Brilliant - I may steal that idea.

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19745 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    Fewer than 10% of local mobility parking permit holders use wheelchairs, though, so I'd have to be prepared to get it wrong and have my bluff called.

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19745 posts Report Reply

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