Southerly by David Haywood

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Southerly: I Was Dissed By Three Old Ladies

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  • Steve Barnes,

    Doh "Last WORLD war" edi...

    And thank you Danielle, now get off my lawn I need to mow it, yoof today have nothing to do but laze about on my lawn with all their litter I don't know, world going to th blah blah blah onions on my belt blah blah blah!!!

    Peria • Since Dec 2006 • 5521 posts Report Reply

  • Steve Barnes,

    Update...
    I was looking out of my window earlier, at my front lawn, and noticed a discarded Bourbon bottle, it was not one of my own. I was just about to go out there and dispose of the container in a responsible manner when I noticed it had gone!!! Geez, I thought, people are stealing litter these days.

    Peria • Since Dec 2006 • 5521 posts Report Reply

  • Alan P,

    Personally I think your response was about right. And I wouldn't completely write off the possibility that you may have made some small change in their behaviour.

    In my experience, some people seem to feel almost bound to respond aggressively in a situation which they perceive as a confrontation, in public. Especially in front of their friends. But, later, whether they consciously admit it to themselves or not, they probably realise that you were right, and may modify their behaviour accordingly in future, even if it's just because they are too lazy to deal with people like you who are actually prepared to react.

    I doubt there was much you could have done differently to achieve a "better" outcome...

    Auckland • Since Jun 2009 • 35 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    Local Man, Steve Barnes, Urges Young People to Remove Themselves From His Lawn Forthwith

    Heh. A friend of ours told the neighborhood kids to "clear off!" within a week of becoming a homeowner. Then again, he bought in Karori, which is notorious for claiming friends for the Dark Side.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report Reply

  • Lucy Stewart,

    I was looking out of my window earlier, at my front lawn, and noticed a discarded Bourbon bottle, it was not one of my own.

    How many bourbon bottles do you normally leave on your front lawn?

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 2105 posts Report Reply

  • LegBreak,

    How many bourbon bottles do you normally leave on your front lawn?

    And which part of the property gets the tequila bottles?

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1162 posts Report Reply

  • Jackie Clark,

    What a terrible thing to happen, David, and whilst I would have preferred a few less "fat" aspersions being cast in the old ladies' direction (in your mind, only, I know), because, let's face it, you are way better than to fall back on fat cracks, I can't help but feel enraged for you. I can't abide littering, and I work in an area where people think nothing of dropping their shit. I am forever walking around the kindergarten fence, on the roadside, picking up empty bottles, and cookie wrappers, and takeaway paper.For anybody, let alone old biddies who should know better, to do it so flagrantly, unless they are kids for whom it is somewhat of a learned behaviour, suggests somewhat sociopathic tendencies, I would have thought. I don't really think there is much else you could have done, to be honest.

    Mt Eden, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3136 posts Report Reply

  • Joe Wylie,

    NO FUCKER LITTERS IN FRONT OF ALAN BOLLARD AND GETS AWAY WITH IT

    O great, more solo mum bashing.

    flat earth • Since Jan 2007 • 4593 posts Report Reply

  • Sofie Bribiesca,

    I doubt there was much you could have done differently to achieve a "better" outcome...

    Yep, and you'll probably be their conversation for quite some time.

    here and there. • Since Nov 2007 • 6796 posts Report Reply

  • Steve Barnes,

    How many bourbon bottles do you normally leave on your front lawn?

    I'm glad you asked. Under normal cicumstances I would reccomend leaving no more than three as this may give your neighbours the impression that you are a heavy drinker and give you funny looks when you emerge from your house.

    And which part of the property gets the tequila bottles?

    Another worthy question. I have always favored stacking them under one of the many Agarves we have dotted about the place. This not only hides them from prying eyes but seem somehow ironic.
    Any other bottles, wine, beer etc. I hide behind Danielle.

    Peria • Since Dec 2006 • 5521 posts Report Reply

  • Rob Hosking,

    OK, my Christchurch little old ladies story: it was February 1990, I was hitching north from the junction at Belfast. The sesqui had just happened, it was a great summer despite the recession, and I was returning from what was the best tramping trip of my life.

    Ushi, a German visitor, was also hitching a lift from the same spot - she was a marine biology student and was off to see the whales at Kaikoura.

    Thumbs out, cars whizzing past. This little Hillman Imp with two old dears in the front goes past. They won't do hitch-hikers, I think.

    Wrong. They pull over, urge us both to hop in.

    After the formalities the one in the passenger seat gets out a letter to read to us. Its from the Queen. She reckons they are regular correspondents. I'm wondering if she's about to tell us Napoleon is a great-uncle as well, although I suspect she would regard Napoleon as horribly common.

    She is also under the impression I'm German as well and you know how once someone makes a mistake like that it can be rude to correct them?

    Anyway I'm not too sure about her hold on reality and I'm just glad she's not the one driving. It emerges she was some sort of lady-in-waiting for one of the old governors-general - Bernard Fergusson, I think - met the Queen during one of the Royal Tours, and they hit it off. As you do.

    So she reads us the letter. It did have corgis in it, I remember that.

    Then she gets on about our then-current governor general - Dame Cath Tizard. Tizard had just been featured on 'This is Your Life' and when Bob Parker popped up with The Book she'd turned to him and said 'You Bastard' - all this being broadcast.

    These two were still in shock over this, the one with the letter in particular.

    Then they got on about "the Maoris' and how most of them couldn't read. And they all left school at 12. And...well, I'm politically pretty conservative, certainly compared to most folk posting here, but I'm no racist, and I'm trying to suggest this might be wrong, and trying to do it in a vaguely almost German accent.

    Ushi, I have to say, is visibly thinking this is all hilarious.

    When they got onto Winston Peters having "risen above being a Maori" the atmosphere of suppressed hysteria in the car almost levitated the Hillman Imp off the road.

    We got dropped at the Hanmer turnoff. It was a relief to be able to actually laugh, out in the fresh air.

    South Roseneath • Since Nov 2006 • 830 posts Report Reply

  • Sofie Bribiesca,

    Did anyone know that cactus make very good deterants of front lawn rubbish, and under windows as deterants for burglars. Have stopped 2 break-ins. Even had a guy knock on the door one night to yell us that he hated the plants in our garden :) I suspected he was still suffering prickles .Heheheheheee

    here and there. • Since Nov 2007 • 6796 posts Report Reply

  • LegBreak,

    I was there, and can vouch for the surrealness of the whole event.

    What would be really surreal is if the 3 Old Ladies read this, registered, and gave their angle on the story.

    We can only hope?

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1162 posts Report Reply

  • Christopher Dempsey,

    Reminds me of the time I spotted someone at the intersection outside our flat chuck a complete set of McDonald's rubbish out of the window. I tore downstairs, out on to the street, scooped it up and managed to hiff the whole lot back through the driver's window just as the light went green. Felt good!

    Much like the surprise on a car full of teenagers faces as I biffed a half empty choc milk tetra pack that they had causually dropped out the window of their car, back into the car with the words "Don't Fucken Litter!", and walked off. They couldn't do anything.

    Cigarette litter is a funny thing. Butts are so small and everyone throws them on the ground, but they don't go away by themselves. If you're lucky the council sweeper will pick them up, but they'll more likely get washed down a stormwater drain and straight out to sea, and that is really shitty indeed.

    To be eaten by snapper, so if you live in Aucks/Tamaki and eat fish, AND smoke, eat the fucken cigarette butt instead. Saves time having to catch the bloody snapper that will be full of ciggy butts.

    I often tell this to smokers I see causually dropping their butt on the ground; "eat fish?" I ask. Affirmative answers get the eat butt statement.

    I did pitch an idea to John Campbell once; serving an entire meal at some fish restaurant made completely from ciggy butts ('fish' soup, deep fried 'fish', 'fish' chowder, etc) to smokers invited to the restaurant. The whole thing filmed obviously, but I think it would be a neat story to film. He never got back to me.

    I find release by asking obviously able-bodied folk skipping away after parking in a mobility-challenged parking space if they need a hand to carry their shopping back to their car.
    I'll admit to having been threatened with physical violence on occasion, but if no-one says anything, it becomes the norm.

    Agree. So I say something. Including politely asking the guy in the gym to please move his car from the disability spot, in front of everyone. I followed him out the building and watched him do it, surly bastard.

    Sigh. My personality dooms me to forever castigating stupid pricks who can't think beyond their tiny little brain. And there's a shiteload of them.

    I'm with Barney Franks at the moment. I'm gunna say it like it is so 'cuse the fucks, shite and whatnot.

    Parnell / Tamaki-Auckland… • Since Sep 2008 • 659 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    That's true civic leadership, Christopher. Without community boards, I guess that's one less place to find it?

    I've occasionally wished for doctors having the ability to write temporary mobility permits (for things like broken toes ....) - I never park in mobility spaces but have found I've very occasionally had a genuine need and couldn't

    Such a thing does exist - ask your doctor to sign an application for you at the same time they are sorting out the break. Useful on bad days or when long walks are involved. No pressure to use it otherwise. There will be a small fee.

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19745 posts Report Reply

  • Mark Graham,

    Never hesitate to publicly comment on people parking in disability or kiddie parks, especially at supermarkets. Can't understand why supermarkets make the spaces available and then never enforce them.

    Came out of Grey Lynn New World once, to find some ex-hippy feminazi pseudo-massage therapist parked sideways across two kiddie parks. When I confronted her (with 6 month old and 2 1/2 year old in my arms), she accused me of being "judgmental" and then bailed.

    Feel proud, people. Research shows that people like us help keep civilisation civilised. Without us, everyone would be like those low-rent old bitches who don't give a fuck.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 218 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    You were surprised to find an indulgent neo-hippy in Grey Lynn? :)

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19745 posts Report Reply

  • Christopher Dempsey,

    Feel proud, people. Research shows that people like us help keep civilisation civilised. Without us, everyone would be like those low-rent old bitches who don't give a fuck.

    K - where's a t-shirt screenprinter: "I civilise you, muthafucka".

    Glad to hear that there is research that validates my actions.

    Parnell / Tamaki-Auckland… • Since Sep 2008 • 659 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    When they got onto Winston Peters having "risen above being a Maori" the atmosphere of suppressed hysteria in the car almost levitated the Hillman Imp off the road.

    Thanks for that story, really.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report Reply

  • Helen Searancke,

    Badly Behaved Old Biddy: Another Example

    At New World (yep, central Auckland again). A woman with two kids in the trolley seat was doing a magnificent job of holding onto her temper and sanity as she tried to ignore the youngest one's outright tantrum. The child was screaming and crying. The older child had her hands over her ears. Personally, I've been there more times than I care to dwell on and was mentally (mentally!) sending good vibes of solidarity to this valiant mother. Then, a little old lady, like, really old, started shouting at the mother. She pointed her finger and yelled "That behaviour is not helpful!" over and over. The mother of two fought back (raised voice, but not screeching like the old duck). I was in shock and ready to rush over there and tell the craggy, red-lipsticked, octogenarian to f**k off and pick on someone her own age, but the younger woman had it in hand and, I have to admit, my nerve failed me.

    Sure, no one likes to have to listen to a misbehaving two year old when they're choosing between the Weet-bix and the Cornies, but I thought people pretty much understood that the parents - who have to grit their teeth, get their shopping done, and leave as quickly as possible without dumping their children next to the frozen goods and running for the hills - are bearing the brunt of it.

    P.S. Biggest ups ever to the older woman who once came up to my daughter and I, winked at me first, then told my very naughty pixie that she (the woman) was in charge of taking all naughty children in the supermarket into the (underground) carpark so their parents could shop in peace. Shut my daughter up straight away - I think she thought the old lady was a witch.

    And then there was the older woman who kindly offered to return my trolley as I struggled with kids at the car. So they're not all old bags.

    As for littering, my two are thoroughly brain washed and we pick up other people's crud all the time. Luckily the kids love doing it... civic pride, I guess.

    May I grow that old, but never that intolerant.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 24 posts Report Reply

  • Deborah,

    Then there was the badly behaved old man who barged to the front of the express queue and demanded to be served first, because he only had two items (I had three).

    Or the young woman in the express queue with about 20 items (12 item limit). I asked her if she could count.

    Bad behaviour stemming from some sense of entitlement, or really just not giving a shit about other people is not limited to elderly women...

    New Lynn • Since Nov 2006 • 1447 posts Report Reply

  • Deborah,

    Regarding accessibility parking, there are plenty of people with disabilities who have invisible disabilities. Someone with chronic fatigue syndrome may at times be able to manage to walk only 50metres before needing to sit down.

    New Lynn • Since Nov 2006 • 1447 posts Report Reply

  • Sofie Bribiesca,

    Someone with chronic fatigue syndrome may at times be able to manage to walk only 50metres before needing to sit down.

    Yep, no problem, Tag it dash it, take the space required. Get the paperwork that explains it to everyone else that wants to understand. SORTED! There is plenty of space for parking without taking the only space for the only park designated for those with proof of need.

    here and there. • Since Nov 2007 • 6796 posts Report Reply

  • Paul Williams,

    We arrived back in Christchurch yesterday morning, and attempted to ward off our jet-lag with a stroll along the promenade at Sumner.

    I just read this entire thread but can't quite get over this statement from David's initial piece... Sumner, love the place dearly, would live there again in a heart beat.

    My dear dear friend Jenny Rockel cooked me many a beautiful meal, recommended many superb books (none more so that the Tales of the City series) and introduced me to some wonderful music (Ry Cooder's world stuff in particular). She's gone now, very sadly, but always remembered and much loved.

    How's that relevant to the discussion? It's not, but I'm feeling very sentimental and not unusually homesick.

    Sydney • Since Nov 2006 • 2273 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    I agree, Deborah - the huge majority of permit-holders are not wheelies. The NZ criteria is not being able to walk unaided more than 200m.

    Still educating those who decide/approve where to put the carparks (clue: sometimes over 200m from the intended destination).

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19745 posts Report Reply

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