Southerly by David Haywood

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Southerly: Confessions of a Social Retard

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  • dyan campbell,

    You also oddly left out the part where a Canadian player nearly murders an opponent and is met by the huge opprobrium of being selected for the Olympic team. I remain somewhat baffled by the selective approach, and saying that sports is a business therefore doesn't count makes no sense.

    It's relevant as a counter to a different point than mine, maybe... but my point was that people in Canada behave in a way that is moderated by the opposite sex's approval, and that this moderation may not even be genuine - people will go to much greater lengths to mask bitchy behaviour and couch it in more subtle things than the scene I described.

    My point was similar to an observation my cousin made about the differences between NZ and Canada in terms of racisim... she said Canada was a very racist country under the surface, but in NZ it was kosher to be racist and out. In both cases the point was that Canadian's behaviour is moderated by the opinion of the person observing them, and they are much, much more circumspect in their outward behaviour - whatever their inward feelings - than cultures where a kind of brutality is encouraged.

    So there's clearly a bit bubbling under the surface, as well.

    JackElder's whole post, and especially this quote absolutely nails both mine and my cousin's points.

    So while you guys (Gio and Kyle) think you're countering a point I've made, you're actually just chasing your own tails.

    I would totally have yelled at that guy, and in my currently rather brief time as a parent I've also noticed that mothers and fathers pretty much *always* make eye contact (or more) with each other in stressful situations for their children.

    Yeah, as a woman who is not a parent, who nearly got punched in a service station for deigning to tell a woman it might not be appropriate to talk to a child like that,

    Danielle, Megan, aroha nui to you both for this. I think it's the right thing to do as well. I wish you guys had been there the time I was assaulted in practically the same spot in the park while running.

    auckland • Since Dec 2006 • 595 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    she said Canada was a very racist country under the surface, but in NZ it was kosher to be racist and out.

    Except if you followed hockey forums at all you'd know it's pretty kosher to be racist and out in Canada as well. In fact its gets nicely blended in with the machismo, so Europeans are soft, Russians are soft *and* mercenary, and so forth.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown,

    Just let me know when y'all get tired of the argument ...

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 22850 posts Report Reply

  • Danielle,

    Never, good sir! I shall go down fighting!

    Charo World. Cuchi-cuchi!… • Since Nov 2006 • 3828 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    Just let me know when y'all get tired of the argument ...

    oo, oo, Page 9!

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4651 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    Go back to your fancy talking-not-in-circles about things-that-aren't-ever-so-slightly-ludicrous then. See if I care.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report Reply

  • recordari,

    oo, oo, Page 9!

    Seconded.

    I have also overtly expressed parental guidance on the odd occasion, mostly involving the placing of children in life threatening situations.

    Or on the sidelines at football.

    AUCKLAND • Since Dec 2009 • 2607 posts Report Reply

  • Kyle Matthews,

    Just let me know when y'all get tired of the argument ...

    I dropped off a while ago :)

    Since Nov 2006 • 6243 posts Report Reply

  • Joe Wylie,

    Can't find the quote now, but there was a wife of the Canadian ambassador to Washington a while back who came out with a nice line to the effect of "People kind of glaze over when you mention Canada. Maybe we should invade South Carolina or something".

    flat earth • Since Jan 2007 • 4593 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    I have also overtly expressed parental guidance on the odd occasion, mostly involving the placing of children in life threatening situations.

    You'll love my new book, 'Eat Your Greens Right Now, Young Man,
    or Daddy Shall Release the Crocodile'.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report Reply

  • dyan campbell,

    Go back to your fancy talking-not-in-circles about things-that-aren't-ever-so-slightly-ludicrous then. See if I care.

    Yes, Russell seems to miss the small pleasures and minutiae of these discussions, doesn't he?

    Where were we... sixteen angels on the head of a pin... not EIGHTEEN as I'm sure you're ready to concede.

    I heartily agree Canada is very racist if you look in the right places - hockey forums, olympic committee boardrooms, small town bars, police holding cells - and there have been many, many instances of the most incredible, violent racism.

    The the apparent docility and mildness of the Canadian individual is a pose adopted to conform to a cultural and social expectation. Anarchy (literally) is just below the surface of any society, and Canada is no exception. But if you're at a party in Canada and a group of people say nasty things to make another guest cry , you're probably attending a party where the guest are younger than 8 to 10 years old.

    auckland • Since Dec 2006 • 595 posts Report Reply

  • Carol Stewart,

    Anarchy (literally) is just below the surface of any society, and Canada is no exception.

    When I lived in Canada it used to be a standard joke that an anarchist in Canada was someone who refused to use the postal code.

    Wellington • Since Jul 2008 • 830 posts Report Reply

  • JackElder,

    I have also overtly expressed parental guidance on the odd occasion, mostly involving the placing of children in life threatening situations.

    This aspect interests me, because it's one of the situations where I find that even quite diffident people can express highly forthright opinions to total strangers. I see this a moderate amount, as I have two young children. When we're out at a playground, I often find other parents (or random passersby) dropping veiled hints or commenting openly that I should be more involved. Sometimes this is based on a mistaken assessment of my kids' capabilities, sometimes it's based on a belief that I should be actively pushing/extending them. Without kids, I could do a variety of stupid, dangerous, or unproductive things in public, and no-one would bat an eyelid; with kids, as soon as I leave my 3yo in the car for 30 seconds while I run into a dairy to get milk, I get the guy ahead of me in the queue making loud and pointed comments to his companion about how it's terrible to leave children unattended in cars.

    Wellington • Since Mar 2008 • 709 posts Report Reply

  • Danielle,

    There's a big difference between 'being an annoying busybody' and 'OMG that kid/dog/older lady is going to die', though. So the examples you give are more on the 'mind your own damn business, bossy parents' end of the scale - at least, that's how I'd react.

    Charo World. Cuchi-cuchi!… • Since Nov 2006 • 3828 posts Report Reply

  • Kyle Matthews,

    with kids, as soon as I leave my 3yo in the car for 30 seconds while I run into a dairy to get milk, I get the guy ahead of me in the queue making loud and pointed comments to his companion about how it's terrible to leave children unattended in cars.

    But no doubt not allowing you to jump ahead of them in the queue to leave the child in the car for a shorter time?

    Since Nov 2006 • 6243 posts Report Reply

  • Danielle,

    But no doubt not allowing you to jump ahead of them in the queue to leave the child in the car for a shorter time?

    Oh no no NO, Kyle. You must *comment annoyingly*, but never actually do anything to *help*. Because that way lies anarchy and madness!

    Charo World. Cuchi-cuchi!… • Since Nov 2006 • 3828 posts Report Reply

  • Megan Wegan,

    I am always really wary of telling parents anything, cos parenting skillz, I have none.

    But in the case I cited above, I was standing in a queue, and the woman in front me whacked her child on the wrist (as she did what kids will do, and tried to grab some lollies) and let forth with the kind of language that made me blush.

    I pointed out that that wasn't appropriate language for a public place, let alone to a four year old. So, you know, she told me exactly what she thought of me.

    Welly • Since Jul 2008 • 1275 posts Report Reply

  • Steve Barnes,

    Just let me know when y'all get tired of the argument ...

    An argument?... On the internet... Heaven forbid...

    Peria • Since Dec 2006 • 5521 posts Report Reply

  • Ross Mason,

    When I lived in Canada it used to be a standard joke that an anarchist in Canada was someone who refused to use the postal code.

    HEY !!! It must be time for a Newfie joke.

    Upper Hutt • Since Jun 2007 • 1590 posts Report Reply

  • dyan campbell,

    When I lived in Canada it used to be a standard joke that an anarchist in Canada was someone who refused to use the postal code.

    I know this is how it looks on the surface, but the peaceable appearance of any society is much more fragile and easily disrupted than you might think.

    This is Steven Pinker, talking about his teenaged belief in Canada's peaceable nature and the events that ensued:

    As a young teenager in proudly peaceable Canada during the romantic 1960s, I was a true believer in Bakunin's anarchism. I laughed off my parents' argument that if the government ever laid down its arms all hell would break loose. Our competing predictions were put to the test at 8:00 A.M. on October 17, 1969, when the Montreal police went on strike. By 11:20 A.M. the first bank was robbed. By noon most downtown stores had closed because of looting. Within a few more hours, taxi drivers burned down the garage of a limousine service that competed with them for airport customers, a rooftop sniper killed a provincial police officer, rioters broke into several hotels and restaurants, and a doctor slew a burglar in his suburban home. By the end of the day, six banks had been robbed, a hundred shops had been looted, twelve fires had been set, forty carloads of storefront glass had been broken, and three million dollars in property damage had been inflicted, before city authorities had to call in the army and, of course, the Mounties to restore order.

    And less than a year later Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau invoked the War Measures Act and declared Martial Law in response to the actions of the terrorist group the FLQ - here he is hinting at his next move when challenged by reporters:

    Pierre Trudeau "Just Watch Me"

    auckland • Since Dec 2006 • 595 posts Report Reply

  • Carol Stewart,

    but the peaceable appearance of any society is much more fragile and easily disrupted than you might think.

    Well, I guess, but it seemed to me that the veneer of civilisation was thicker in Canada than in most other places I've ever lived in. As an example I hardly ever used to lock my house or my car or my bicycle .. it seemed remarkably mellow and safe. Admittedly it was one charmed little corner of Canada (Victoria, Vancouver Island).

    Wellington • Since Jul 2008 • 830 posts Report Reply

  • Islander,

    Giovanni -please send a copy of your book urgently to my niece Maryanne. Her aspie son will eat certain vegetables (potato chips & crisps spring immediately to mind, as does tomato sauce) but nothing at all that is green. We try to fight off the incipient scurvey with vit. C but think he has rumbled us. Do not bother with crocodile - we know where to obtain one.

    Big O, Mahitahi, Te Wahi … • Since Feb 2007 • 5643 posts Report Reply

  • Islander,

    O, and make nothing of this dyan - because the times I have visited Canada have mainly been good & joyous - BUT
    *the only times I've had stuff stolen at an airport was in Canada (twice)
    *the only time my mother was ever sworn at in a public bar, ditto
    *the only time I've been publically abused to my face in a racist manner,
    ditto-

    but then there were the very special things: a young man who noticed I was having trouble reading with sunlight pouring in (U of Alberta) and came and stood & was my sunscreen - and vanished before I could thank him properly: friends of my uncle*'s friends who rang up to check whether we needed anything, and came round to our hotel anyway with welcome-to-here! gifts; the solicitude of both customers & bar-staff when I sat down on a chair - that promptly collapsed**- rushing up, giving me cards & 'phone numbers (in case of legal action I suspect) - and free drinks...

    Polite, indeed; nice, indeed - I found Canadians really easy to get on with (as I find Scots), and the one place my mother & myself would go back to is Vancouver-

    *my uncle Raynee worked in Alberta for over 30 years
    I've weighed 14stone 2lb since I was 20, sat on all kinds of bardstools, and **never had one collapse under me before...

    Big O, Mahitahi, Te Wahi … • Since Feb 2007 • 5643 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    Giovanni -please send a copy of your book urgently to my niece Maryanne. Her aspie son will eat certain vegetables (potato chips & crisps spring immediately to mind, as does tomato sauce) but nothing at all that is green. We try to fight off the incipient scurvey with vit. C but think he has rumbled us. Do not bother with crocodile - we know where to obtain one.

    I should clarify however that I meant this particular crocodile.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report Reply

  • Islander,

    Wow! That'd totally appeal to Benny's heart (well, the feet, tongue, teeth,eyes...)

    Big O, Mahitahi, Te Wahi … • Since Feb 2007 • 5643 posts Report Reply

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