Random Play by Graham Reid

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Random Play: Modern Life is Rubbish

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  • Craig Ranapia,

    I know this got kicked to death on another thread, but evangelical non-smokers -- you don't like me polluting your air? I don't like you polluting my headspace with your shitty attitude. Escpecially when you are a guest in somebody else's home who has provided a clearly defined, well-ventilated (or outdoor) smoking area.

    Which is a nice segue to another titty-twister: Self-absorbed house guest who think they are the pivot around which the world turns, and the objects of their scorn can't actually here the running bitching of the other guest, the food, the music etc. If you find the whole milieu that objectionable, STFU, politely make your excuses and go home.

    North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 12370 posts Report Reply

  • Craig Ranapia,

    Haiving said that, there are five magic words that make me very agreeable to non-smokers: "Excuse me", "please" and "thank you".

    North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 12370 posts Report Reply

  • Venetia King,

    My husband hates that he doesn't have time to write up his hate lists, so I'm taking a turn...

    **Ads being louder than telly programmes.** Can someone sort this out please?

    I second that emotion. Fervently.

    And on that theme - TV channels that advertise the show I'm about to watch, within 5 minutes of it coming on, with spoilers. Followed closely by TV channels that show a condensed version of next week's episode, just before the credits of this week's episode.

    'Unscripted' television. It might be a perfectly legitimate form of entertainment, I just can't bear to watch it.

    People who walk their dogs around the weekend markets (especially when there's barely enough room for the humans to squeeze past each other, more so when the owner clearly isn't there to buy anything). There's a reason pets aren't allowed in food stores.

    People who go into print with the wrong homophone: baited breath, wrapped (instead of 'rapt' - seen the huge ad on the Il Casino building?), phased (instead of 'fazed'). Real estate agents are some of the worst offenders, advertising a property as being sort after and/or having a view that includes a peak at something (usually the harbour, not a mountain in sight). And I keep seeing adverts offering a sneak peak. Grrr.

    Websites that have the sound on by default. Usually encountered when someone else in the room requires quiet.

    Websites that ignore dial-up users like me and make their pages excruciatingly slow to load. MySpace, I'm looking at you! Actually I'm not, because I just can't be arsed waiting.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 117 posts Report Reply

  • Danielle,

    I watch it out of the corner of my eye, cos I quite like some of the families who get fab new houses.

    Oh, I have cried like a child at some of those families getting somewhere nice to live. Particularly if they were in a leaking rat-hole before. But even as I cry, my seething hatred of Ty Pennington is always there in the background. :)

    While I'm here, let me just bitch about some more things.

    About 75% of all librarians. Anal self-importance, puffery, and insanely insular over-analysis characterise way too many people in this profession. This is not brain surgery and you are not that important. Shut up.

    Relatedly, any middle-class company drone who thinks their job is so crucial to society. You're not a doctor or a firefighter or something awesome like that? Then hush, you self-aggrandising idiot. We're all hurtling towards death at high speed and we're in a limitless, uncaring universe. I don't care about your HR problems. Bite me. Or think of something more fun to talk about.

    People still obsessed with Teh Coolness in their 30s. Even if you were cool once, you're not any more. It's the nature of the beast. Try to like things for reasons other than inane hipsterism, please.

    Dumbasses who make responsible dog ownership difficult by letting their dogs wander around biting people. No, my dog is not going to bite you, because she is sweet and friendly. Also, she is on a lead. Also, I am paranoidly keeping her well away from every single living creature on this beach because the entire world is now scared of her thanks to Mr I Have A Free-Range Untrained Staffy To Look Like A Tough Guy. Yay, what an enjoyable, stress-free walk I'm having thanks to those people.

    I'm not that great in the mornings, obviously. :)

    Charo World. Cuchi-cuchi!… • Since Nov 2006 • 3828 posts Report Reply

  • andrew llewellyn,

    People with the same name as me posting their psuedo political ramblings to the Letters to the Editor page of the Herald.

    Like this

    Aw man, what a boredom buster! I've just fired off 15 letters signed as Ray Gilbert, to 6 newspapers on sunspot activity & its effects on United Future's polling.

    Since Nov 2006 • 2075 posts Report Reply

  • Stewart,

    I have caught the occasional glimpse of a program called, I think, Wife Swap which can make me leave the room. There must be something we watch just before it (not sure as I try not to pay too much attention unless it is something that I have specifically wanted to watch) or we just troll into it when surfing, but OMG it is horrendous.

    They obviously do a decent bit of profiling and then set up scenarios where the people being 'swapped' into the other family's life is totally at odds with the family's belief system. Such crass manipulation of people and situations for a cheap tv thrill really gets my blood boiling. And I'm not sure whether to vent the bile at the makers of the show, the participants, the channel for wasting money on buying the show or just pluck my own eyes out.

    Maybe it's just me...

    Te Ika A Maui - Whakatane… • Since Oct 2008 • 577 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    wrapped (instead of 'rapt' - seen the huge ad on the Il Casino building?)

    Yes, although in that case it's a pun (it's a ribbon - get it?).

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report Reply

  • Craig Ranapia,

    Maybe it's just me...

    No it isn't. Part me asks what the hell kind of person is entertained by watching people reguarly being reduced to hysterics? Then my bastard hind-brain kicks in and mutters: "Why waste your sympathy on people who must know what this show is like, but they signed the release forms to have themselves and their families psychologically abused on televisions all over the world."

    North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 12370 posts Report Reply

  • Danielle,

    Part of me asks what the hell kind of person is entertained by watching people regularly being reduced to hysterics?

    Me me me. I love those shows because you'll often get a ten-year-old kid commenting on the action more maturely (and more hilariously) than either of his or her parents. Actually, in general, I think what I love so much about reality television is not the predictable nature of a show's premise and how it plays out (or is manipulated to play out): it's those unexpected moments of 'real' reality, when a kid will make a weird face or a person will show a flash of wry self-awareness, or someone will rant crazily about something you never *dreamed* they'd mention, or use a completely nutty figure of speech you've never heard before. Basically, I'm always looking for something that makes me pause the MySky and laugh incredulously.

    Charo World. Cuchi-cuchi!… • Since Nov 2006 • 3828 posts Report Reply

  • Josh Addison,

    So why particulalry select the seemingly bland Julia for a bit of a spray?

    Because in spite of her blandness, she is still a highly paid A-List actress. I seriously can't fathom how, in the age of micro attention spans and flash-in-the-pan stars du jour barely scraping in their allotted 15 minutes of fame, someone can still be coasting on a fairly so-so film from almost 20 years ago. But anyway.

    Returning to linguistics, I was interested to discover a while ago that "rapt" comes from "rape", whose original meaning was just "to be carried away" -- apparently there are passages in the Bible that talk of saints being "raped into heaven". Perhaps "wrapped" is a nicer alternative, malapropism or not?

    Onehunga, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 298 posts Report Reply

  • jon_knox,

    Danielle wrote:

    Me me me. I love those shows

    Many of those shows are poison as they desensitize society towards undesirable behavour. At least Soap Operas have that thin veneer of art and cartoons...they're so unreal that nobody's really influenced by them....well that's my excuse. (respect my authori-TAY)

    Danielle I'm sorry you've being voted off the island. The Craig/Stewart/Jon Tribe has spoken.

    Belgium • Since Nov 2006 • 464 posts Report Reply

  • Craig Ranapia,

    Danielle I'm sorry you've being voted off the island. The Craig/Stewart/Jon Tribe has spoken.

    Leave me out of this... We Janeites have to stick together, though we're not going to mention Fanny Price. :)

    North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 12370 posts Report Reply

  • JackElder,

    Drivers who don't do up their seat belts until 30 seconds after they've started driving. Why? Why? Why? Are you in such a rush that you can't take the basic safety precaution when it's, you know, safe to do so, rather than when you're in control of a ton of moving metal? The contortions required to put a seat belt on are better performed when the car is halted, rather than as it drifts towards the intersection at 30kph. This one does make me foam at the mouth, actually.

    Wellington • Since Mar 2008 • 708 posts Report Reply

  • Dinah Dunavan,

    Signs that say "12 items or Less
    I was amazed, after going in to a supermarket in the USofA last year, to see a sign saying "12 items or FEWER". I wish I'd owned the flashy new camera in a phone thingy that day. I'd have sent the picture to every supermarket in NZ and said "see, there are some things those damn Yanks can do better than us".

    Dunedin • Since Jun 2008 • 186 posts Report Reply

  • Sam F,

    "Going forward", as a substitute phrase for "in future" or similar.
    Can someone tell me what this actually adds to a discussion, other than indicating the speaker's preference for corporate style at the expense of sounding sensible to normal human beings?

    Actually, this is such a useful indicator of 'sophisticated' knobbishness I almost have a soft spot for it. But note, emphasis heavily upon that almost.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 1609 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    Signs that say "12 items or Less

    Type-A Man and this very fine blog disagree.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report Reply

  • Danielle,

    corporate style at the expense of sounding sensible to normal human beings

    Yes. And let's just add corporate-speak in general. When a table in Word becomes a 'matrix', and some basic research becomes an 'environmental scan', and everyone's job title is five words long and still fails to describe what it is they actually *do*, it's all too much to be borne. I was forced to do some 'management' class this semester and was so enraged by the textbook's profound stupidity that I had to be mildly drunk during all the classes. Luckily it was distance learning. :)

    Charo World. Cuchi-cuchi!… • Since Nov 2006 • 3828 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    Type-A Man and this very fine blog disagree.

    Sorry: Type-A Man agrees, the blogger disagrees.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report Reply

  • Matt Godfrey,

    Blurry American adds on TV that were only ever intended for NTSC with lip-synced New Zealand/Australian accents.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 16 posts Report Reply

  • Matt Godfrey,

    ....Oh and taggers that use three letter acronyms. I mean does CBM stand for Crip Boy Mob or is it Clown Brigade Manurewa? Is there a glossary where I can look it up?

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 16 posts Report Reply

  • Josh Addison,

    Bill Walsh, copy editor at the Washington Post, is fine with "10 items or less". I see his point, but it still irks me. Mostly because, although "less" can be justified in this particular case, that fact is that too many people don't know the difference in general (or think that "less" is colloquial and "fewer" is just more formal, which is how many people seem to treat "that" and "which", too).

    Apparently, New World says "fewer", but none of the other chains here do.

    Onehunga, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 298 posts Report Reply

  • Venetia King,

    @Giovanni:

    Yes, although in that case it's a pun (it's a ribbon - get it?).

    Saw the pun, of course, but would still bet good money that whoever made the joke thinks 'wrapped' is the correct spelling of 'rapt'...


    @Josh:

    I was interested to discover a while ago that "rapt" comes from "rape", whose original meaning was just "to be carried away"

    - that is interesting, I'd never bothered to check where it came from. Just assumed it was short for 'enraptured'. The etymoloty site I tend to refer to (http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=rapt) said it came from 'L. raptus, pp. of rapere "seize, carry off" ' - slightly less unpleasant!

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 117 posts Report Reply

  • Josh Addison,

    Telephone marketing surveys that assume I give a shit what petrol station I go to. When I need petrol, I stop at the nearest petrol station to me at that time -- I probably couldn't remember which brand it was 20 seconds later. Given that it uses up more petrol to drive out of my way in order to favour a particular brand, why do they think I'd base my decision on anything other than basic proximity?

    (I'd have just said Telephone marketing surveys, but I figure that saying they're shit is like saying stabbings are painful.)

    Onehunga, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 298 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    Saw the pun, of course, but would still bet good money that whoever made the joke thinks 'wrapped' is the correct spelling of 'rapt'...

    That's just assuming we're better than everybody else and I'm so against that.

    (I'd have just said Telephone marketing surveys, but I figure that saying they're shit is like saying stabbings are painful.)

    I love them. I eat much too fast and I depend on those interruptions to help me take longer and not get indigestion.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report Reply

  • Josh Addison,

    Venetia King:

    I guess it would have been more correct for me to say that "rapt", "rapture" and "rape" all come from the same place.

    Onehunga, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 298 posts Report Reply

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