Hard News by Russell Brown

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Hard News: The Exploding Banana Scandal

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  • Russell Brown,

    Boom.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 22850 posts Report Reply

  • recordari,

    Shake, shake the room.
    How low can they go? Clearly lower than I imagined.

    AUCKLAND • Since Dec 2009 • 2607 posts Report Reply

  • Joshua Drummond,

    Oh good, I was hoping someone would eviscerate this story. My immediate thought was that it sounded like a student magazine stunt, only without humour or (intentional) irony.

    Since Nov 2006 • 119 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown,

    You want some more unintentional irony?

    The NZPA story quotes the Star Times as accusing Judith Collins of having "whipped up hysteria".

    Really. You couldn't write this stuff.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 22850 posts Report Reply

  • Rob Hosking,

    Yes, they really accused someone else of a "beat-up". Clearly, they're not afraid of embracing irony at the Star Times these days.

    That isn't an embrace, its indecent assault.

    South Roseneath • Since Nov 2006 • 830 posts Report Reply

  • Idiot Savant,

    In the meantime, perhaps the Sunday Star Times could see about reporting some real news stories.

    "But real news doesn't sell papers..."

    Palmerston North • Since Nov 2006 • 1717 posts Report Reply

  • BenWilson,

    I also managed to smuggle half a dozen beers into the cricket the other day, cunningly hidden in my stomach. When mixed with what they were serving, it almost exploded spontaneously.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 10657 posts Report Reply

  • Ian Dalziel,

    Good old FearFacts (or is it FairFox?)...
    Obviously for too long we have lived with our illusory freedoms and democracy, ignoring the yoke of fear that joins and shackles our American & European brothers (and sisters).
    Luckily we have a valiant and brave Yellow Press willing to couple us to the prevalent paradigm.
    Here's hoping with all their Egg-stremist machinations they end up with the yolk on them...

    Christchurch • Since Dec 2006 • 7953 posts Report Reply

  • Blake Monkley,

    Meanwhile another shark story on page 3 at the Weekend herald. <yawn>.

    Auckland • Since Jul 2008 • 215 posts Report Reply

  • Ian Dalziel,

    We demand answers...
    Is Russell Brown a sleeper
    for the Fruit Aryans
    (be wary of the stoned and the pipped...)
    or is he the new Fruit Saladin?
    (beware of Lion-Hearted Dicks!)

    One also imagines the StundayTsar Times
    would be the first to complain were someone
    to show up their internal security - say by
    getting within metres of the managing editor's office wearing "mock exploding cricket boxes" - I can see the headlines in the NZ Harbinger now "Cock-up at Star" or "Publisher experiences groin pains" or make yer own...

    Christchurch • Since Dec 2006 • 7953 posts Report Reply

  • recordari,

    Dear HoS.

    Having received a free copy of your rag at the Zoo (thanks Zoo, although I didn't order any Zoo doo), can we suggest you release an alternate version that contains the Puzzles and the Sports News.

    That is all.
    Cheers.

    AUCKLAND • Since Dec 2009 • 2607 posts Report Reply

  • HORansome,

    Russell, this is a classic case of the SST not understanding context; at the moment Eden Park is not considered a potential target (of any kind, I presume) so has minimal security. When the Cup is underway, well, let's see them try again.

    Curiously enough, what they've done plays into the conspiracy theorist's mindset; a lot of conspiracy theorists think that 9/11 can't have been an outside job (I'm trying to popularise this term for reasons that will hopefully become clear next year) because you'd couldn't, now, fly a commercial jetliner into a building in continental USA. They confuse the situation now with the situation then and assume that, all things being equal, it had to be an inside job. They forget that the situation now only exists because the lax security systems pre-September 2001 were exploited by the hijackers. In the same way, the SST is assuming the current security situation Eden Park will remain the same in eighteen months. It's the same category of error.

    Tāmaki Makaurau • Since Sep 2008 • 441 posts Report Reply

  • Steve Barnes,

    I am shocked, horrified even. That anybody should suggest that construction workers not only dress like terrorists but can also gain admission to Eden Park without enduring a strip search. Eden Park prides itself on a policy of non-discrimination. Anybody with money for tickets (when available) would be granted admission (as long as they were not in possession of beverages manufactured by a competing brewery) regardless of attire, turbans included.
    As for the toy explosives. This is outrageous behaviour. We all know toy explosives can maim or even kill toy journalists. What were they thinking?.
    Yrs, Outraged of Mt Eden

    Peria • Since Dec 2006 • 5521 posts Report Reply

  • Sofie Bribiesca,

    They confuse the situation now

    Can I suggest they are permanently confused. Marshall's little sports parka looked, well, sporty, not all constructional like.

    here and there. • Since Nov 2007 • 6796 posts Report Reply

  • Sofie Bribiesca,

    here and there. • Since Nov 2007 • 6796 posts Report Reply

  • HORansome,

    You can suggest they are permanently confused to your heart's content; I couldn't possibly comment...

    Tāmaki Makaurau • Since Sep 2008 • 441 posts Report Reply

  • Joanna,

    Aww it's so cute how you called Johnathan Marshall a reporter, like he's a real journalist or something!

    Also, I wonder what all this means if Pulp Sport ever makes a comeback and tries to do the Tui Sneak again...

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 746 posts Report Reply

  • Sofie Bribiesca,

    Whoops!. Try Again or is that try hard?
    construction worker
    new look

    here and there. • Since Nov 2007 • 6796 posts Report Reply

  • Craig Ranapia,

    Want to show how easy it is to smuggle "toy explosives" onto a passenger plane? Stroll onto any Air New Zealand Link flight with your exploding banana. It proves nothing. Do the same on an international flight to the continental US – where there is a real risk profile, if a still a tiny one – and you actually have a story. You're also in a shitload of trouble.

    Indeed -- and who do you think would be bitching the loudest if the RWC was run under the same security rules as LAX or JFK?

    North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 12370 posts Report Reply

  • recordari,

    Also, I wonder what all this means if Pulp Sport ever makes a comeback and tries to do the Tui Sneak again...

    The goat did it.

    AUCKLAND • Since Dec 2009 • 2607 posts Report Reply

  • BenWilson,

    The thing Eden Park is in the biggest danger of being targeted for is jokes. It's wide open. We had our chance to fix that one, but we blew it.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 10657 posts Report Reply

  • 3410,

    In a shocking revelation, I can reveal today that I recently took a banana to a cricket match. And not only a banana. An apple too. Neither of these fruits – which could easily be replaced with powerful plastic explosives – was sighted by the security guard who "searched" my bag

    You promised you'd tell us about pointed sticks.

    Auckland • Since Jan 2007 • 2618 posts Report Reply

  • ScottY,

    He got "within one metre" of the Chiefs' dressing room

    You don't need explosives if you want to watch the Chiefs being destroyed. It happens most weeks anyway.

    Sorry, getting coat...

    West • Since Feb 2009 • 794 posts Report Reply

  • Kumara Republic,

    The thing Eden Park is in the biggest danger of being targeted for is jokes. It's wide open. We had our chance to fix that one, but we blew it.

    One of the biggest post-9/11 gems was when Richard Prebble compared flying passenger jets into skyscrapers with this...

    The southernmost capital … • Since Nov 2006 • 5445 posts Report Reply

  • Jeffrey Simpson,

    Actually the funniest part of the whole story to me was the editor of the SST saying that their journalists had letters on them explaining it was all a test. This was in case they were found by Police to prevent an evacuation of the stadium.

    "Okay then Mr Bin Laden, you have a letter from your editor? That's fine then, carry on!"

    Christchurch • Since Mar 2010 • 3 posts Report Reply

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