Cracker by Damian Christie

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Cracker: A Halloween story too cute not to share

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  • Craig Ranapia,

    Come on now. All God-fearing folk know that satanism and socialism are the same thing.

    There's a small mound of goat skulls at the bottom of my garden that would beg to differ.

    North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 12370 posts Report Reply

  • jon_knox,

    Whilst I see the Bro'town side of "Glenn Close", but there is a bit of Once were Warriors in there too.

    Belgium • Since Nov 2006 • 464 posts Report Reply

  • Amy Gale,

    I was terribly disappointed when it got to 6pm on Friday and we hadn't had any trick or treaters. Much second guessing ensued. Did we need to decorate? Were the neighborhood parents scared of us because we don't have kids? It was actually quite upsetting.

    Nah, it was just a bit early. They turned up eventually. None of them recognized my costume but their parents were all appropriately terrified. Our candy even met with pleased approval.

    It is odd to see how the US form of Halloween has infiltrated NZ over the last couple of decades. When I was in primary school we had a school party and dressed up and bobbed for apples and all that UK-type stuff. My family and about 5 others had a small-batch trick or treat setup where all the kids banded together and went to just those six houses. When I was 8 or 9 my friend convinced me there was much better loot to be had if you just went and knocked on random doors, but mostly we had to explain to people what we were doing and only the older people had sweets in the house, and theirs were all yucky flavours.

    I feel kind of bad for hassling them now (although I take comfort in thinking that at least they wouldn't have been scared of us. Probably.)

    It occurs to me suddenly that there are parallels with tertiary fees. If you're going to introduce the US tradition (fees, trick or treating) then you really need to introduce the full supporting structure (plenty of scholarships, leaving people alone if their porch light is off). Otherwise the whole thing is a mess and people resent it.

    I'm with Danielle. If we're to have a US tradition, let's take Thanksgiving.

    tha Ith • Since May 2007 • 471 posts Report Reply

  • Kyle Matthews,

    Well they also bought us the motorcar, and hip-hop (and jazz and blues and rock and roll I believe), and space travel.

    There's no space travel in NZ. And, the USSR was first one that one anyway.

    Since Nov 2006 • 6243 posts Report Reply

  • dyan campbell,

    I'm with you Giovanni. It can also be a nice way to meet the neighbours or like Jackie create a little community spirit.

    Heartily agreed, people like Jackie and Giovanni with friendly open attitudes towards others in the community make those communities better places to live.

    (Also, I say adopt Thanksgiving! You get to eat lots of great things, and no one expects gifts or goes door to door.)

    What do they give thanks for anyway?

    The tradition started off as a kind of hybrid harvest festival and big thank-you to the indigenous people for helping them survive. It has evolved into a really nice gathering around a roast turkey and (sweet spiced) pumpkin pie dinner.

    The "thanksgiving" part of it is a tradition that has everyone think of (and in the old days, say) at least one thing they are thankful for in their lives - it can be anything. Having running water when many in the world don't have clean water at all. Having health, when there's probably someone you can think of who doesn't. Having people to love and who love you. Until the 1960s or so people used to be asked this and make a small speech or declaration in turns around the table. This tradition is pretty much extinct nowadays, but still existed in my childhood.

    This may sound sickening to those who prefer a more hip and cynical approach to life, but there are plenty of studies from Harvard and Johns Hopkins med schools that prove this sort of attitude can go a long way to keeping health problems at bay.

    Between the fact that no gifts are exchanged and religion is completely absent from the festival Thanksgiving has been saved from being divisive in the community (the way Christmas is) or a commercial parody of itself, like Valentine's Day, Christmas.

    There is a complete absence of any religious significance, no gifts are exchanged but the tradition does dictate that it should also include some sharing of resources, some recognition of people in the community who might need help. At Thanksgiving the city missions are always given a big boost in donations and volunteer help.

    auckland • Since Dec 2006 • 595 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    There is a complete absence of any religious significance, no gifts are exchanged but the tradition does dictate that it should also include some sharing of resources

    Sounds like Matariki to me. Blimey, it is Matariki.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report Reply

  • Amy Gale,

    Dyan's excellent summary does miss one key fact: Canadian and US Thanksgivings are on different dates, so if you play your cards rights you get to do it all twice.

    tha Ith • Since May 2007 • 471 posts Report Reply

  • Kyle Matthews,

    but the tradition does dictate that it should also include some sharing of resources, some recognition of people in the community who might need help.

    And, at least from the little I've seen of it, that anyone should be welcome if they don't have another place to go. Which is nice.

    Since Nov 2006 • 6243 posts Report Reply

  • Amy Gale,

    anyone should be welcome if they don't have another place to go

    However, if your friend's joker uncle informs you that he got Fosters to go with Thanksgiving dinner especially for you, on no account should you assume this is one of his pranks and respond accordingly.

    Uh, or so I hear.

    tha Ith • Since May 2007 • 471 posts Report Reply

  • Hadyn Green,

    There's a small mound of goat skulls at the bottom of my garden that would beg to differ.

    So you're saying you're a socialist?

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 2090 posts Report Reply

  • Hadyn Green,

    Also dressing up for Halloween...totally fun!

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 2090 posts Report Reply

  • dyan campbell,

    Dyan's excellent summary does miss one key fact: Canadian and US Thanksgivings are on different dates, so if you play your cards rights you get to do it all twice.

    That's true, Canada's Thanksgiving is in October, USA's in November... this is because colder climate+earlier harvest.

    auckland • Since Dec 2006 • 595 posts Report Reply

  • jb,

    Mr Christie

    I wish to be relieved of the heavy responsibility of acting as your grammar mentor/coach.

    We struggled (fairly successfully, I thought) with the possessive gerund by applying the "Lop off the last bit ©" test.

    Example:
    The tax incentive program has resulted in South Carolina’s currently having seventy new businesses in the northern coastal area. [The incentive program has not resulted in South Carolina; instead, it has resulted in the *state’s* having seventy new businesses in the northern coastal area.]

    Your (vastly improved) correct use of the possessive pronoun has been a source of considerable joy.

    However, the 2nd sentence of this post fills me with great sadness and forces me to take this drastic but necessary step.

    "Her and her partner have bought their first house in a pleasant, but largely state-house suburb on the fringes of Auckland City."

    Her has bought her first house........

    It's "SHE and her partner", Damian.

    If the partners had been male, you would have written "His and his partner", the ridiculousness of which might have rung a few bells in the cranium.

    Your on your own now, Damian. Its been a pleasure working with you.

    Please correct these two sentences as proof that my efforts weren't entirely in vain.....

    a.small.town.in.germany • Since Jan 2007 • 86 posts Report Reply

  • Damian Christie,

    I wish to be relieved of the heavy responsibility of acting as your grammar mentor/coach.

    If I were to ever employ a grammar mentor, I'd probably go with one who was less condescending, and perhaps emailed me directly (through the feedback button) rather than deciding it was appropriate/amusing or what-have-you to continually suggest such improvements in this forum.

    Therefore your resignation is accepted herewith.

    Best


    DC

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1164 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    I wish to be relieved of the heavy responsibility of acting as your grammar mentor/coach.

    My first reaction was "Christ, what a tosser!" but that's an incomplete sentence, isn't it? Must try harder. (Ops, there I go again.)

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report Reply

  • Brent Jackson,

    jb wrote :

    **Your** on your own now, Damian

    Looks like you're better off without him, Damian :-).

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 620 posts Report Reply

  • Heather Gaye,

    If the partners had been male, you would have written "His and his partner", the ridiculousness of which might have rung a few bells in the cranium.

    ..and the masculine equivalent would be "Him and his partner": no less incorrect, but certainly fewer bells.

    Morningside • Since Nov 2006 • 533 posts Report Reply

  • linger,

    Actually, "Him and his partner" is at least as correct as "He and his partner".
    "Him" here isn't marking object case, but is used as an emphatic form (which in English happens to have the same shape as the object).

    IIRC in French the two uses have different sets of pronouns
    (objects me, te, se/ le... vs emphatics moi, toi, soi/ lui...)
    but that doesn't make the English system any less valid.

    Pedants may argue about it; me, I don't really care. (Presumably jb would not feel any need to "correct" the pronouns in that last clause.)

    Tokyo • Since Apr 2007 • 1944 posts Report Reply

  • jb,

    Jeez, what a humourless bunch.

    Damian - delete it if you wish. I thought you might have appreciated it, given your acutely honed sense of irony.

    At least you once admitted to being "one of the new breed of state school kids who were never taught grammar"

    And Brent: read the entire post. Please.

    a.small.town.in.germany • Since Jan 2007 • 86 posts Report Reply

  • linger,

    jb: One person's "humourless" is another's "not obviously funny enough" (which may well apply to the responses you got too -- you might want to consider re-reading them with that in mind).

    Irony is tricky on the web 'cause tone of voice doesn't carry well in text.
    Irony apparently directed at language errors is especially trickyon PAS. I think that's a positive sign, reflecting the site's general inclusive tolerance. The end result is that language errors that don't affect understanding of the message are usually politely ignored. Errors that result in some unintended reading are fair game (but only by gleefully taking that reading further, engaging the [apparent] message; any other response can easily come off as attacking the writer).

    Tokyo • Since Apr 2007 • 1944 posts Report Reply

  • Damian Christie,

    Here's the point, which I think linger is making too. I'm all for correcting and being corrected, to the extent it raises the overall bar, and where such correction is incidental to the continuing discussion.

    (Like this, in brackets, "oh by the way, did you know you had a dangling participle there old boy?")

    But re-read your post above (and take it in context with those you have made previously), you might see how it comes across as though I'm some basket case who needs your constant care and attention, and who has now frustrated you to the extent that you're giving up. Even with a heavy dose of irony, it still sounds pretty condescending.

    I appreciate that's probably not how you intended it, but when I went online last night after a few very busy days with the eledction, and saw "oh, there's another comment off that old thread of mine..." and it was that, well...

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1164 posts Report Reply

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