Dear Readers. I'm going to assume that you are mortal. And no mere mortal can absorb the full essence of Rick Perry in 1 minute 45 seconds. In the interest of public health, I have transcribed this ad below.
Parking meters urban decay empty streets public transport deindustrialisation Obama The Walking Dead S01E01 hurricanes barbershops foreclosures why are kids not playing in the hurricane - OBAMA IN THE CORNER! - creepy greeting cards gauntlet I hate my cafeteria buses vandalised by rappers Obama miniture American flag on saggy concrete building signifying urban decay iconic Obama VOTE poster next to HOPE poster except the hope poster is already ripped to shreds and I think they actually drew an Afro on Obama but IT'S DECAYING LIKE THE URBAN DECAY THAT WAS JUST FORESHADOWED - DRAMATIC TURNING POINT! Crank volume to TENSION crack out the brand jujitsu - O = Zero jobs O = Zero confidence ZERO ZERO ZERO ZERO ZERO ZERO ZERO - WHERE'S YOUR PRECIOUS BRAND OBAMA NOW COMMIE HIPSTER PINKOS - WE BRAND JUJITSUed THAT SHIT (though we wouldn't say that cos that sounds foreign and/or gay, and subvert sounds wanky elitist and definitely gay) - ZERO NOTHING OBAMA PRESIDENT ZERO (ZING!) economy is shit one in six Americans live in poverty and what they really need is an extension on the Bush tax cuts - disapproving lady at disconcerting angle - AbruptCutsClimax!: Obamastockmarket ObamaChinesewords Obamastockphoto ObamashakinghandswithChinesepeople ObamaI'MHAVINGANEPILEPTICFIT ObamaDONTFORGETTHE2008LOGOONEMORETIME.
Breath. You have 1.4 seconds.
"In 2012" FLAG horses FLAG city fields LIBERTY cameras RICKMOTHERFUCKINGPERRY boots subliminalspeedsingleframe:TRAINwithCHUUUnoise FLAGonKid ladygladeyesPerry Perry's on TV "AMERICA will discover" kidlookingoutofwindow kid blinding light PerryWithFlags MOTIONBLUR peoplescreamingshitinbackground PerryWithFlags PerryWithCamera PerryWithMarines PerryHuggingLadyBecauseHe'sEmpathetic PerryWithUS&TexasFlagLookingLikeHe'sWonSomething PerryInSuit BANG, BITCH "A new name in LEADERSHIP" PerryWithFlags FLAG LIBERTY COWS! PerryWithTexanSoldiersAndCustomsOfficerWithRubberGloves SteelSuspensionBridge FLAG PerryWithFlag-STEPZOOM LIKEHEJUSTPUNCHEDYOUINTHEFACE (he didn't BUT HE FUCKING COULD HAVE)- old man PerryWithFlag NOW WE ARE IN SPACE BECAUSE WE ARE AMERICA FUCK YEAH (we're still in space right?) - on a truck! shaking hands with guys with beards! WELDING! RAAA! Hard hats! Trucks! Buildings! Tires! HIGHFIVERICKPERRY "An AMERICAN" (unlike oh, I don't want to name any names...) Soldier! PerryInUniformAndBadassAviatorsWithBombersAndExplosions! IwaJimaFlag [Some B&W footage which look like immigrants kissing America's land under the watchful eye of Lady Liberty] $2 Shop Lady Liberty Helicopter FLAG PerryWithWife PerryWithFactoryWorkers KidAspiringToBeFighterJet ClappingLadies PerryWithFlag Church Macy'sWithFlag PerryWithBuilders PerryWithGuyInSuit KidsDrawingFLAG "A PRESIDENT" RibbonCutting "Who will lead A NATION" HotDogGuy PerryStillInThatFactoryWithAlltheBeardedGuys Traffic NewCar FLAG City Open Harvester PerryWithBuilders PerryWithFlag - MOTIONBLURGASM!!! CharlesBronsonPose AdoringCrowds Fields City LumberYard Perry Cameras PerryWithFlags PerrySalutingFactoryGuys PERRYPRESIDENT!