Hard News by Russell Brown

Another Email Emerges

News reports have made much of the fact that there were no outbound emails among the hundred pages in the "Brash files". Not true. Today, Hard News reveals a previously unknown email - from Dr Brash to the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, Tony Blair. The text is as follows:

Dear Tony,

Don Brash here: Prime Minister of New Zealand in waiting. I write to warn you of an issue that could bring down your government and tear apart your country. No, not the war in Iraq - I'd need more information before I could venture an opinion (or even answer a simple question) on that.

No, I mean the Welsh. And for that matter, the Scots.

I am surprised that a man of your charm and intelligence has not realised that allowing these groups to have separate Parliaments and particular cultural practices is taking your nation down the road the racial separatism.

I invite you to take a look at the policy on such matters developed by the National Party at the suggestion of a friend of mine called Roger. In it, we enforce the principle of One Law for All.

I urge you to abolish your race-based assemblies before your country becomes a North Atlantic Zimbabwe. (I am particularly concerned that you allow the courts in Scotland to practice a traditional version of the law that is peculiar to the Scottish race.)

You must also take steps to curb the politically correct practice of encouraging the use of minority languages, and even the operation of an entire Welsh TV channel to force it on people. You really must crack down on this; perhaps by forbidding your student teachers to pronounce Welsh correctly. (I expect this will not be difficult.)

You may also wish to follow our example and organise a purge on the way history is taught in schools to bring it in line with new policy expectations. (I understand you are familiar with the phrase "fix the facts around the policy".)

Actually, the school curriculum thing isn't so much policy as something I blurted out when that hippie guy from Scoop got me a bit rattled a few days ago, but I'm very pleased with it. I find that once you set your sights on One Law for All, it's very easy to come up with things on the spur of the moment. My deputy leader calls it "pulling policy out of my ass", but I find this a little distasteful, as I suspect would you if you saw my deputy leader.

Anyway, I have policy to discover and a campaign to conduct, so I'll leave you with one key word: Resentment. It has never been hard to get the English to dislike the Welsh, and of course the Scots will always harbour grudges. If you play your cards right, you'll have your majority resenting your Celtic minorities before you know it. It has certainly worked for us.

Kind regards,

Don Brash

PS: What do you think about this Iraq thing? Should we have gone in?